It starts at the stage, fifteen minutes before the show itself starts. One camera is on, looking at the set up. It's pointed at a gaian with black hair in piggy tails, blue eyes, fox ears and a fox tail. The gaian is aruging with Uchiha Sasuke over a piece of paper. She ends up kicking him out, and shouting something at a random ANBU. She notices the lone camera, and starts stalking up to it. The camera man attempts to get away... The screen goes black and white.
The screen comes back up. The gaian is standing in front of the desk with a mircophone. A pair of fangirls are forcing Naruto into a chair behind her. She grins and flicks her ears. "HELLO, My fellow Gaians!!! I'm your favorite nutcase, Lunar Shinobi!!! Welcome, to tonights addition of Shinobi News Live at Five!!! As a special treat, we have the NFC, or the Naruto Fan Club, took it upon ourselves to kidnap the actual cast of Naruto!" The fangirls cheered. The cast looked freaked out. Lunar flickered her ears again. "We're gonna have soooo much fun!!!! Naruto, it's to you!!" She skipped out of the scene. Naruto shivered in a mix of fear and apprehension. He picked up the papers in front of them and looked at them.
"Oh, okay. Um, Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and this is Shinobi News, Live at Five. I'm your anchorman. Um, today's stories are:
The Fangirl Report.
The Weather Report.
The Fashion Report.
The Rumor Report. umm. Okay, so, how do we do these things?" Naruto said, nervously eyeing something beyond the cameras. One of the cameras turned around, and revealed a stadium full of fangirls, and Lunar with a headset and a clipboard. Several audio guys are clustered everywhere, and the one standing next to Lunar turned his head and shivered in case she went irritable. "Oh, don't worry Naruto, just read what the teleprompter says."
Naruto blinked. "Teleprompter? Oh! Okay!" Naruto read off the teleprompter. "What's scarier than a herd of charging Rhinos? what's hidden in the shadow of every bishie imaginable? What haunts our very nightmeres? FANGIRLS!!! Which, people, are currently holding me hostage. Please save me." Naruto whimpered. A kunai ended up right next to his hand. He jumped, and the cameras swiveled to show a less than friendly looking Lunar. Naruto gulped and continued. "LET'SGOTONEJIWITHTHEFANGIRLREPORT!!! Don't hurt me..."
The screen shows an animation that contained a black and yellow diagonal stripped background, the word 'Fangirl'written in bloody letters, and the word 'report' in block white lettering. Then it faded out, to show Neji standing by a screen with a pointer. ".. I hate fangirls. Hello, I'm Hyuuga Neji, and this is your fangirl report. It seems that the Naruto fangirls are on the move.. Which, we all know why. Because the freaks are holding us hostage making us do this stupid news sh-" Neji stopped, staring, frightened, at the place beyond the cameras. The cameras immidiently swiveled to Lunar, who was grinning rather visciously and holding a needle to a Neji plushie. Neji cleared his throat.
"It seems that the, um, Naruto fangirls have grown in number, which means the smaller sub-fanclubs have grown as well. The Neji fangirls have grown by 23000 in number, the Sasuke fangirls have, once again, broken into 12 billion, The Naruto fangirls trail them by 13 fangirls, the Kakashi fangirls have exploded and tripled in size, and Choji has a grand total of 3 fangirls. Back to you Naruto." Neji stuttered out, still looking freaked out. Lunar clapped. "Good boy. Good boy."
The screen returns to Naruto, who's chained to the chair. "Eh, eh heh, I, Uh. I tried to run. But they caught me... Um, Anyway,are we getting paid for doing this news show?"
The cameras moved towards Lunar. One fell down. Lunar glared daggers at it until the camera guy operating it quickly pulled it up and cowered behind it. Lunar smiled. "Good boy! Anyway, no. we're not paying you. Now do your job or I'll send you to somewhere you don't want to be." She eyed her audio visual crew. "All of you." The cameras moved to Naruto so fast you could still see an after image of Lunar. Naruto looked scared. "Um. Let's go to Shino with the weather report. Shino, are you as scared as the rest of us?"
The Screen shows a blue sky with a bright sun, and the words 'Weather Report' written in Comic Sans font. Then it faded to Shino standing in front of a screen that shows a beach. He shrugged. "No. The fangirls live to serve us all. It's not my fault that you people can't control your fangirls." He snapped his fingers. Lunar ran up and handed him a soda. Then she skipped away. "It's all about giving them what they want. I take off my sunglasses for a couple of seconds, and they squeal and do whatever I want for the rest of the day. duh." the Cameras moved to the fangirls. They were all staring with hearts in their eyes. The camera guys shivered, then focused on Shino.
"Anyway, Today's weather is sunny. You should were sunglasses. Like me. Because I'm cool like that. and because the fangirls like me. Wear them or I'll sic my fangirls on you. Back to you Naruto." Shino said. The fangirls squealed. The screen returned to Naruto, who looked jealous. "Why can't I do that?!" He growled. Lunar chuckled from beyond the cameras. "Try and figure out how. Anyway, continue on."
Naruto moped. "I don't feel like it. I want my fangirls to squeal over me too, not to kidnap me and drag me back to their lairs like freaks." His fangirls surrounded him. Naruto paled. "Um. um. um." His eyes went chibi. There was a couple seconds of silence, before all the fangirls squealed and pounced him. Naruto's hand was seen waving. Sasuke walked by and shook his head. "Dobe..to Temari with fashion." A few Sasuke fangirls lept, but ended up grabbing a clone.
The screen changed to Temari, sitting on a desk, beyond her was a wall of shoes. "Hey. I'm Temari. Also known as the only person besides Ten Ten who was paid to be here. Anyway, Today's Fashion Segment is all about wide collars. Now, we all know that certain collars are smexy, but some of us have trouble choosing their collars. So, next time you're at the store and you can't choose one, just go with a wide collar. As long as the collar is twice the circumference of your head, it works. and If it looks like a flea-collar for people, then its perfect. So, next time you go shopping, remember, wide collars. Back to you nutcase."
Lunar's head popped out of the pile of fangirls. "Hey.. Well, Naruto is still busy.. and he's at the bottom of the pile, so I doubt we would hear him. So let's go to Ten Ten with the rumor report." Lunar's head dissappeared back into the pile.
The screen changes to Ten Ten, who had Neji tied to a chair and was walking around in circles around him with a ruler. Neji blinked. "uh. Cameras are on!" TenTen jumped. "OMG WHAT? " She tossed the ruler away. "Hi Everyone! I'm TenTen and I'm here with your rumor report!!! We have a couple of interesting rumors today! Starting, did you know Sasuke's hair is actually a black chicken that he glued to his so very bald scalp? It's totally true!! I couldn't believe it until I poked his head and an egg fell out!!!"
Neji raised his eyebrows. "An egg... Are you serious TenTen? Why would an egg fall out of Sasuke's hair."
TenTen swatted him with the ruler. "Because. It just did. No talking. Anyway, another rumor!! Did you know that Itachi... is actually Sasuke! and that Sasuke is actually his sister Rina? and that Rina is actually Itachi?"
Neji blinked, confusion spreading across his face. "What? The hell. Then, wouldn't... oh, nevermind." Tenten grinned and chuckled. "My final rumor is that Lunar sold me Neji's soul!!!" Neji paled. "NO SHE DIDN'T!"
Lunar's voice echoed about. "YES I DID. DEAL WITH IT." The fangirls chuckled. Neji struggled to get away. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TenTen grinned and smacked his hand with the ruler. "Rumor report is done. back to the pile of fangirls." Neji struggled. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
The screen changed back to the pile of fangirls. Lunar's head popped out, laughing her a** off. "Wellpers, my dear fellow gaians, I hope you enjoyed this episode of Shinobi News, Live at Five. I'd say tune in next time, But I don't know if the network will still let me air this show.. I mean, I kidnapped people and I just sold someone's soul... Then again, this is gaia.. That happens like, everyday... Anyway, BYE!!"The cameras turned off.
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