• --The pain surged from my head as I sat in agony, not even realizing who, or what I was saying/doing, I couldn’t exactly tell you how I got to the place or position I’m in, all I can say is I don’t think he cares I don’t think the one person I love the most knows it no matter how much I tell him. I don’t think he completely understands the agony I’m in when he talks about her its something so unbearable. I don’t completely understand the concept of what I’ve done to deserve this but it must have been something horrible, something I’ll do in the near future, or possibly have done already, and am not truly aware of the surreal indifference or even pain I have caused someone else its sickly disturbing the way my mind works as if a time bomb… tick…. tick… tick… Never to know the truth of how I am supposed to use it or find my way I'm lost in a bed of ocean sea and am drowning from the neck down. I don’t even realize how far my mind and heart are from each other all I know is that they are not working together at least on my side…. My theory is that on the other side of the line they (my mind & heart) are plotting against me to see if I can with stand myself my own cleverness my very own…. Me and it seems to be that I am not yet on that pathological road. I am not yet ready to see myself in such a position to know I am a terrorist to myself although it is the only rational reason to me it just says that I myself have no real place for my mind. I don’t know what or where it is I believe it is floating off somewhere having the time of my life torturing me because I am fully aware of the exact location and don’t understand that I need it, or that I can have it easily. I am just steps away only miles at the same time I myself have no idea where, or why, I'm here all I know is that I am… I am also so underlay confused, to the extent that I’m lost.