• No one really says much anymore. It’s not because they don’t understand; it’s because they don’t know. Perhaps maybe even, they don’t want to know. They couldn’t care. But if everybody was born imperfect then how can others think themselves above those who don’t see the same way as they do? It’s not a matter of looking at things the same way; others will look and see something different to you.

    “Smile darling, just look natural, smile for me now”.

    Flashes of bright light, gaudy dress and a wall of fabric white. A smile that stole hearts and brought tears.

    But didn’t you always say my future wasn’t mine to map out? Didn’t you say that you had already paved my road? And I told you that whatever footprints I made were going to be mine. Treading through the wet cement, I don’t regret those distorted prints. That was my journey, my road.

    “That’s it, turn for me, left, a little more. Yes. Put your head down a bit darling. Magic! You there, turn up that fan. That’s it, right there. Hold it for me now”.

    I was once a bird that had forgotten how to fly. Although you disapproved, you helped my wings to heal. And then those curtains of ignorance were violently torn open, revealing the pain, splattered red for all to see. And I thought that you’d be there indefinitely; how rude was my awakening to the harsh reality of life.

    “I’m telling you sugar, you’ll go triple platinum this time. Assured winner, smile, you’ve loving it!”

    Words on a piece of paper. That’s all that’s left. But does my voice reach you? When you hear these words I sing, the pain that still scars my heart, can you listen? Do you know? You can’t hear me, I realise that now. These old wounds still ache and sometimes open, only to heal again to be convenient to others. I can’t think of myself anymore.

    “Oh, by the way, your agent called. The station wants you for their countdown program. Will the company let you play an exclusive?”

    I had lain there, by your side. Crying into your white sheets. Your cold hand clenched in mine, I hadn’t wanted to let go. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I refused to give into the finality even though the grass had grown over and the visitors stopped giving you flowers. You had whispered sorry in my ear, your dry lips brushing my cheek. I denied. Turned away, stepping back into that square where everything was all right, my comforts by my side. Maybe to this day I haven’t accepted the truth. You always said I was stubborn.

    “I’ll call and tell them yes. We don’t want to risk overexposure but a little promotion may give you an edge. I’m telling you, this is going to be big”.

    Flashes of white light. I see purple. What had you seen? My light is the light of change and new beginnings. I guess you began anew but its unknown to the rest of us. As much as I want you here, I’ll bide my time. I’m not ready yet. No one is ever ready.

    You always said that they didn’t know, that they didn’t understand me. And when my moment came, it would be them that would regret their words. But sometimes you said the same things and closed the curtains on my dreams just when the light began to shine through. All along you wanted only my happiness. My smile came at a cost but you never blamed me, even though deep inside I knew it was my fault she was no longer here.

    “We have a guaranteed winner. You’ve outdone yourself this time.”

    Flash goes the camera. Glassy eyes, a picture of perfection. They look at me in admiration. So did you, but not in the same way. They want to be me, I want to be them. You and her brought me into this world and now I am the result of your constant love and unending support. Are you proud? Have I done well? Do you know how much it hurts that I have all these questions and no one there to answer them? I can’t hate you for it but I want to turn to more than just a lined page of white for consolation. Can you understand that?

    “Almost done here. Oh yes, the winner of that competition was announced yesterday. Another crazy fan”.

    Maybe I’ll come and visit you. Show you what I’ve become. I’ve worked hard and you always said that was important. Don’t worry, I’ll dedicate this work to you, I just hope you’ll know. I just hope you’ll hear my voice. Please see through the smiling face, the expensive dress. I want you to see me, I want you to understand. Please see me through a different set of eyes, your own eyes. I don’t want to keep living this lie. But no one really says much anymore, and it’s because they don’t understand…