Little vampire doll

• Artist: Mcr-panic
• Description: i hope u liked it
• Date: 04/11/2009
• Tags: little vampire doll

there was a girl who was living in the forest.She didn't had parents so she was playing near the river and found a little hole.Hole was sparkling red and in there was hot and fire was in...but gurl didn't ran away she stared to dig and dig and dig and she had all bloody hands from fire,but didn't stop to dig...then she found a little golden box...she opened it and then she saw a little cheramic doll with vampire teeth she took doll and played with her and then..........Black fog apeared and from fog came a beautyfull boy, He smiled. She saw he has fangsVampire fangs.He gave her his hand and they walked away .............they never saw that girl again. Sorry for my english i hope u liked it biggrin

Comments

[Mcr-panic]

thanks =)

[Kavvana]

You could probably stretch the story out and make it a little longer, and the ending just seems too... rushed I suppose? I would guess you're trying to tell a ghost story. My suggestion is elaborate on the story more... just make it longer. And add detail.
Good luck!
-Vvana

[Tater_Tots96]

I dont know, i dont really like it. Most of the sentences are rambling. Sorry, i dont mean to sound mean.

[Mcr-panic]

yeah I know this is my first writing

[Im_Like_The_Rain]

angelic of dust thats mean i'm terribble at spelling too..

[Jeleb]

you spelt one of the easiest words every wrong
hole is spelt h-o-l-e not w-h-o-l-e