• Did You Hear ? She Made The Playboy Cry !

    Chapter Five: I Don't Know. . .

    Angelina P.O.V


    It was quiet. Then I heard the whispering. The creak of the door as it was pulled open. The whispering was getting louder, closer. I looked up the whole gym class was silently watching me like I had some serious issues. Which I did but none of them know that, none of them. Most of the girls looked stunned.

    Bianca just stood there staring at me with her mouth hanging open; Zaine’s dumb blond bimbo b*tch looked horrified like I’d just killed her precious child. God how pathetic was she; it wasn’t like there weren’t other mirrors in the school. She probably had one in her locker. The vain b*tch. My hand was starting to sting.

    I looked down at it, it was bleeding heavily. There were some pieces of mirror stuck in it. I looked down at the floor; I could see my reflection in the shattered mirror. I looked normal. I didn’t look like a girl who’d just lashed out and punched the mirror in her school changing rooms. There was some movement and I looked up to see Zaine walking out of the crowd towards me.

    He stopped in front of me and without saying a word gently lifted up my hand. He looked at the cut, seeing how deep it was. Slowly, me and the rest of the class watched as he peeled off his top and wrapped it round my hand, being careful not to hurt me further. I couldn’t feel any pain though.

    He took my other hand and pulled me towards the crowd. They parted silently and let us through. I followed him; at this point I probably would have followed him anywhere. My brain was on pause. We walked hand in hand down to the nurse’s office. I balked when I realized where we were going. I pulled my hand out of his and took a step back.

    “No Angelina, you have too” he said. I shook my head. He grabbed my wrist.

    “Ahhh” I hissed pulling away from him again.

    That was when he looked down at my wrist, I saw his eyes bulge when he saw the scars, the cuts had re-opened when I’d fallen, he was looking at them eyebrows crossed, face screwed up in anger. He looked like he was chocking.

    “Angel, what have you done to yourself?” he whispered.

    I didn’t say anything; I bit my lip and looked past him, ignoring him. He stepped in front of my vision coming closer, I backed up but he’d already grabbed the tops of my arms. His face was fierce as he got up in my personal space. All I could see was him. I could smell him; feel the warmth from his hands through my t-shirt.

    He shook me gently “Tell me Angelina, why? Why’d you do it?”

    Tears formed in my eyes, I sniffed, biting down harder on my lip. There was no way I was going to answer him. I didn’t want anyone to know. He shook me again getting frustrated. My head flopped uselessly; I wasn’t even trying to control my body anymore.

    I just wanted to die. No, I wanted to die and be with my Ayden again. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see Zaine, not wanting to feel his anger. I felt him let go of my arms, he wrapped one arm around my waist, and the other was wiping away my tears.

    “You don’t have to tell me now Angel, but I’m here for you” He whispered against my ear.

    I opened my eyes slowly. His face was so close, my gaze flicked between his eyes, left to right. Then down to his lips, the pretty beauty spot he had there. I felt his grip on me tighten. It felt good. I leaned my forehead against his, our lips so close I could feel his breath against my mouth.

    “I’m scared” I whispered.

    And it was true, I was scared. Scared to feel again, scared to get close to people, even my dad didn’t know me anymore. And he was the only stable relative I had left. I was scared to let people see the real me, the damaged, broken hearted depressed, suicidal me.

    “Don’t be” he whispered back, his cherry flavored breath washed over me.

    I went in, closing the gap. Brushing my lips against his. He kissed me back gently, like I was all dainty, fragile. But it wasn’t enough, not what I wanted. I wanted him to be rough with me, kiss me harder more passionate. I wanted to feel something stronger than the dry ache in my heart. I needed closure. To be with someone that didn’t know the old me. So I could be whoever I wanted to be.

    I kissed him harder, gripping on to his shoulders, using all my strength. Holding myself to him. He responded his grip tightening, his lips becoming more urgent as they moved down my neck. I threw my head back exposing more of my skin, as his hot lips made their way back to mine. Desire built up in me, but I knew it was a fake echo to what I could really feel.

    Zaine pulled away and looked me straight in the eye “You have to get your hand seen too”

    “Okay, I will, for you” I whispered, trying to let him in. “But I don’t want her to do it” I said motioning to the nurses room.

    “Angel-” he started, but I cut him off placing my finger over his lips.

    “No” I said stubbornly “I’ll do it myself”

    He reached for my hand and gently un-wrapped his blood stained t-shirt that was when I noticed he was topless. Well obviously I knew that but it was the first time I acknowledged it. He had a fairly toned body; he had a tattoo just above his pant line and a snail trail. I was drinking him in, he actually was really nice.

    I lightly traced the tattoo with my other hand; it read Rosie, in fancy italic writing with a tiny rose at the end. I saw his stomach fold in; I realized where my hand was and pulled away. His hitched breath drew me in. I looked up at him.

    “Who’s Rosie” I whispered.

    “My sister...she’s 13 and so cute, she’s dyslexic but you can’t fool her, she’s the only person in the world that I feel I can trust with anything”

    I nodded “That’s nice”

    “Don’t try and distract me Angel” He whispered.

    “Pardon?”

    “Either you go to that nurse now or you let me do it, I stopped the blood flow but you might catch an infection, I can’t be rolling with you, once you have a green hand” He smirked, laughing at me.

    I joined him “Okay doc, let’s go”

    He pulled me along. I climbed into his hummer and we sped off to his house. An hour later, my hand was glass free, bandaged, un-infected and we were sitting on the sofa eating Cheetos and watching football. It was half time; I stood up to refill my glass. He gently grabbed my mangled wrist, twisting it so he could look at it. I watched his face, not moving.

    Only me and my dad knew about my addiction, it worried me how easily I accepted that Zaine knew. It worried me that I didn’t care that I would have to explain myself to him, if not today then one day. His gaze slowly rose and looked at mine.

    “Why?” He whispered.

    “Life’s hard” I said simply, my tone dead and empty.

    “Angel” He scolded me.

    I sighed “I was upset okay, I felt humiliated twice in one day, it feels like the whole universe is against me nothing ever works out right. People leave. I moved here and tried to at normal and then you...you somehow got past my barriers.”

    He was silent, so I carried on.

    “You got past and you made me forget, but then you turned around and threw it in my face, you make me feel vulnerable, and I don’t like it I don’t want to feel things again, but when I’m with you, I feel like you’ll accept me no matter...and for some silly reason I feel like you understand even though you don’t know .”

    He stood up, taking his time, his gaze locked with mine. “Angel, I’m sorry, I don’t want to hear that you done this because of me. I want to understand, but you won’t tell me, won’t let me in. You say you feel vulnerable, but that’s how I feel around you like the wrong thing could set you off. I saw you that night, in my front room when you collapsed on the floor and spaced out for a bit, just rocking back and forth”

    He paused drawing a deep breath.

    “I want to help you, we can help each other, I want to understand Angel, please tell me”

    “I can’t” I whispered my voice cracked up with so much emotion.

    “If I tell you something, will you tell me” He bargained.

    “No, I’m sorry Zaine i-i can’t...it hurts so much”

    “Tell me, Angel, I’ll help you make it go away” He promised.

    “You first” I said.

    ************************************************


    Tony P.O.V


    I sat in the psychiatrist’s office waiting for Angelina; I looked at my watch she was 45 minutes late. School finished an hour ago where was she? I looked around frustrated with her, she better not start all this again; I’d had enough of her old tricks. I remember right after the death how I used to wait for hours, but she’d never turn up.

    I’d go home and she’d complain that she didn’t need help. 15 more minutes I’ll wait then I’m going home. I picked up a magazine that was sitting on the side; I flipped the page to an article about how to deal with depressed patients. It spoke about giving them time, their own space, and a nudge in the right direction here and there.

    I looked up to see Angelina skidding down the hallway; she bumped into a plant knocking it flying, the dirt spilling all over the floor. I watched as she looked embarrassed and started trying to shove the dirt back into the pot. I smiled; it reminded me of the old Angelina. She used to walk into walls all the time. Even in our old house. She looked up and grinned at me.

    My eyes flew wide open surprised, I watched in awe as she laughed. What the f*ck? Who was this and where was my f*cking daughter? I charged over to her and ushered her to the side whilst the receptionist dealt with the plant. I looked her in the face, analyzing it fully.

    “Are you high?” I asked her.

    She giggled “Nope” She said popping the ‘P’

    “You’re f*cking high Angelina, why are you behaving like this? Where were you?”

    “I was with Zaine dad, I forgot about the appointment sorry I’m late”

    “Angelina, what has gotten into you?”

    She giggled “What was in me...ha ha dad you’re so dirty” She giggled again.

    I closed my eyes, asking god why. I just turned around and walked away. I couldn’t deal with Angelina when she was like this; I needed time away from her. So I could be her dad again. I hopped into the elevator, ignoring her pleas, and questions.

    “Where you going daddy don’t leave me .” Was the last thing I heard before the doors closed.

    I pulled out my iPod and let the loud music drown out everything. Take it all away. I needed a rest, so I could get my strength back.

    ************************************************


    I left Angelina a note, explaining that I’ll be gone for a while; I didn’t tell her where I was going just that I was leaving. I’ll probably be back in a couple weeks. I needed to track down Angelina’s mother, because I couldn’t do this on my own any longer.

    I couldn’t watch my little girl destroy herself. I put my suitcase in the boot of my car, I looked around, I’ll be back soon, I promised myself. I threw the car in reverse and drove away. Hopefully Lina will wake up and realize that she needs to stop this rubbish, otherwise I may never come back.