Prevail

• Artist: Rainbow YumYum
• Description: I guess this is about the struggle of life and death. About thinking of giving in to that permanent solution, then realizing that nothing is truly worth your life, no matter how bad it is.
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags: suicide

I force down bile
As i light up a smile
Just to get them off my back.
I cant take it any longer
But my break down would make them stronger
So i guess I'll have to cut them some slack.
I act like I'm normal
Reserved but not formal
When inside its tearing me up.
They don't understand
Why, by their hand,
My demise is sure enough.
I cannot be saved
I'm so near my grave
So irresistibly whispering my name.
Ive resisted so long
Ignored deaths beautiful song
But so many times i almost came.
This pain is too much
Cant resist the blades touch;
Maybe this time temptation will win.
I pick up the razor
Every moment to savor
But, hesitantly, put it back down
Because life has prevailed again.

Comments

[omnomNOM de Plume]

In the first part it seems as if the speaker of the poem is around people, but towards the end it appears they are alone dealing with an internal struggle. I think you could do a better job providing a transition here. I really like the ending and I think you can punch it up a bit. As is it seems like just a cutter's cry for attention, and I think what you're going for is a struggle against suicide. Try to make that a bit more clear in the poem itself and I think it'll have more of an impact.

[orreocookie]

thats is really good