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Eyes meet with a nervous glance,
thinking about it,
the perfect chance.
Lean in closer,
inches away,
only you could make me feel this way.
Our lips meet,
the softest touch,
I feel so complete.
The world stops,
just for a few seconds,
so we can enjoy this moment of bliss.
This memory will never fade,
for it is the first kiss.
4/5/10
- by EmoKisses-x |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 04/05/2010 |
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- Title: First Kiss
- Artist: EmoKisses-x
-
Description:
Experience(:
Yes the rhyming pattern is weird.
I was feeling just a little rhyme-ish,
so it isn't just one rhyming pattern all the way through,
simply just rhymes I came up with.
I think it still sounds good though ?
Comment & Rate Please!
(: - Date: 04/05/2010
- Tags: first kiss bliss love
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Comments (3 Comments)
- EmoKisses-x - 04/08/2010
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Stryker Dimentia-
Thanks for the 4/5 and your advice
(: - Report As Spam
- Stryker Dimentia - 04/07/2010
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Okay... I actually really like this poem. I do have some advice for your odd rhyming pattern, being an avid poet and writer, and it is this - Try adding a fourth line in your first three stanza's to make them Quartlets instead of Triplets. Triplet's are very hard to match to your rhyming style... For example -
'Eyes meet with a nervous glance,
Both of us thinking about it.
Now is the perfect chance,
The tension building bit by bit'
I have other things to say, but, limited to 500 letters. 4/5* - Report As Spam
- EmoKisses-x - 04/05/2010
- Pleaaaseeee Comment(:
- Report As Spam