Fire

• Artist: monsoon10
• Description: I'm not so sure about the second stanza(sp?) but whatever. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
• Date: 08/21/2010
• Tags: fire

The sky is gray
And our lungs are black
We've lost our way
And we can't turn back

The ground is burned
And our tears are crimson
Death has returned
Judgment Day has begun

We scatter the ashes
But the spirits still haunt us
And as lightning flashes
We are reminded to confess

Flames may be endless
Smoke may be blinding
But let's not regress
As we tear away this binding

Comments

[2pound]

'sky is anycolor' is kind of played out but you can pull it off by using a texture (the sky is silk, to give an example) and lungs going black might need more clarification: why or how? i'd go with the how, as in, cancer-related-smoking-to-death things but that's just me. you really need to expand on the ideas though, not just tell us everything (sky is gray (show us) lungs are black (show us) ground is burned (show us)) pm me for more con. crit.