It won't be long before Rami graduates and moves to California to go to Redlands University. Once she leaves for Redlands, its going to feel so different going to school.
There'll be no Rami to hold me when I'm feeling like my chest is going to shatter from the catches my heart get when I'm hurt. There'll be no Rami to go to BAM with and sneak around the manga aisle, laptop clutched to her chest, while we look for something to read when we order coffee and sit at the counter. There'll be no Rami to shamelessly and jokingly flirt with and run around downtown with.
Just thinking about her leaving makes me want to cry because she's one of the few friends I have who I'm deathly frightened of losing contact with. She's always been like an older sister to me; I've always looked up to her no matter what. I've admired her for her voice, her humor, her strength. She's always been one of the coolest people I've ever met.
I hate feeling like this, I feel bad for feeling like this. I just feel that its so easy to say "We'll always be friends, we'll never lose contact" but when it comes to actually doing it - I dunno.
When she left to go tour Redlands a couple weeks ago I felt the same way. I mean, she fits in so well up there. And she has Sammy up there. It makes me wonder what I am compared to all of those people in her eyes.
As mentioned, I've always looked up to her, admired her, cared for her. I love Rami, she's just so fun and care free. And, as much as it hurts saying this, Rami is also one of the people who I know my feelings aren't returned. When I say I love Rami I don't always mean it in a friendship way. Rami has been through so much with me and she's stuck by me through so many things that I've gone through and vice verca.
When I first met Rami I loved and cared about her as a friend. But as I got to know her she became the type of person who I loved more than anything else because she accepted me like no one else did - I know there are my friends who accepted me but its just something about Rami. I don't know what it is.
I still love her that way, but I know the feeling in unrequited. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with Andrew and I love him more than my own life, but as I said there's just something about Rami.
Maybe I should just shut up now, seeing as how I'm confusing more than just myself. *sigh* I don't even know why I typed this out, and if anyone actually got through this to the end, you most likely feel like I wasted your time. However long it took for you to get through this lemme know I'll be sure to try and give you that time back to make up for what brain cells I may have destroyed with this post.
 Myth Tariyun · Tue Apr 12, 2005 @ 09:13pm · 2 Comments |
