Tonight.....I walked out on a serious conversation that nii-chan and me were having.......
WHY am I so stupid?! Why couldn't I find something at seprated him from just a friend?! God...just kill me now.......I'm an idiot that doesn't diserve to live in this world nor in any world present!
I've been getting negative things through out the conversation...he's been trying is best to tell me aout what he wants to know from me...I've tried but he keeps on thinking that I'm not getting it...and tries again...the more he tries to explain it, I get more depressed and feel more stupid that I'm just a idiot that knows NOTHING! Then I get mysdelf into a panic attack and ....I have no clue where or what in which direction my mind needs to look for....
The very person whom I go to when I feel like s**t...is now making me feel like s**t...and worse....
I hate it when I second guess myself...I HATE IT!!!!! I don't want to...it hurts so much...
I'm so sorry, nii-chan...I'm so sorry.......I have no clue what to say....I don't want to hurt you...I don't have the words to explain.....I'm so scared and depressed feels so useless on this that....if I even try...I feel like you won't be able to get my meaning...........
Someone please tell me that I'm just an idiot....I need to die now.......
Oh nii-chan....if I could only SHOW you rather than TELL you what makes you different....but even so, what would it be....what does make you different? I'm so confused.........
ReldaDark · Tue Jun 26, 2007 @ 09:00am · 1 Comments |