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I definitely know what it means to be forgotten.
Down in the kitchen my stepmum, stepsisters, and my stepmother's two guests are all laughing and having a good time, taking pictures and leaving me to myself.
Meanwhile outside it's thundering, and lightning is striking the sky. I had my door open, to hear the noises that comfort me, but then I realised that though I love the thunder and soft pattering of the rain, I also like to feel safe.
Here, in the small office of my dad, the rain softly hitting the French doors, the thunder rumbling, the loud laughter of those downstairs, I couldn't be happier and more at ease. Even though I'm being left out and neglected, I feel safe, and again, I couldn't be happier.
It's like being a spider, caught in your web, safe under a roof of some sort, watching life go by for others. It's comforting, and cosy, and makes you feel like nothing can ever touch you.
Or it's like when it's winter time, with a cosy fire crackling beside you as you lie on the warm patterned rug, closing your eyes, watching as the snow falls softly and mutely on the ground, knowing that even though there are bad things out there, you feel like they can never harm you. Like you've evaded them completely, and out there everyone is safe.
I also feel this way at adult parties, me lying snuggled in a blanket while hearing the laughter and debating voices of the adults, feeling protected and for once able to close my eyes without worrying what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, or when I wake up and find everyone gone.
This is a gold moment. Moments like skiing and formal occasions and events are silver, they're cold and ..silver. Gold is warm, comforting, protective, and welcoming.
I feel safe, and though not one person even remembers my name, at this moment I couldn't feel any more bliss.
 Tilly_Witch · Mon Jul 09, 2007 @ 05:57pm · 0 Comments |
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