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I have opened my own art shop. You can take a peek at it via my signature.
One thing that sticks out of my mind - well, more than one thing- is that my aunt died last weekend. I personally didn't know her very well, but I felt bad for my mom. My mom knew my aunt ever since she'd been a little girl and they'd been very close. Still, my aunt had been suffering from cancer, and whenever my mom saw her she saws that my aunt looked... horrible. So it's better that she's left us.
Still, there are people who suffer but still want to live. Just because you're struggling, physically or mentally, does not give you a reason to just give up on living. If you want to die that badly... then you are weak.
The second thing that sticks out of my mind is when I was visiting my relatives with my mom. (My deceased aunt's family.) I was telling my big brother, Matt, about some of my friends that I made in a trip to New York. (I went to New York for about three weeks, that's why I was inactive.) I made three special friends- Katie, Sam, and Rae. Rae is a girl but wants to be a boy, so I call her "him" instead because she likes it better. Well, when I was talking about my friends I called Rae a he. My brother asked my mom who Rae was, and she responded with a: "Rae is a she that wants to be a he."
You don't SAY that. You just say: "Rae is a friend that she made up in New York." If I made a friend who was black, you don't say: "Ron is a black friend that she made up in New York." It. Does. Not. Work. That. Way. So that just... flat-out pissed me off. My mom says that she's open towards gays, but obviously not in the way that she says she is. I lost a good portion of the respect that I have for her. Again. -sighs-
And of course everyone got engaged in a conversation about how transsexuals must be mentally ill, how my brother can't stand people like that, and blah blah blah blah. All the while I'm just sitting there, TRYING to keep that stupid smile on my face while they go on about stupid crap. That's just downright rude. I can't say how depressed I was getting just sitting there and listening to them talk like that. They were talking about my friend, Rae, who MUST be mentally ill and needs some help. Maybe she does. Personally, I don't CARE. Rae is my friend and I don't give a damn whether or not she's gay or wants to be a boy or not. Why the hell do people have to act towards gays as if they're not human? I am a Christian, yes. Christians are titled as the most intolerant people towards gays. Some Christians repel gays because they're... gay.
But that's not right. The Bible says that same sex love is a sin. But it ALSO says that stealing, adultery, lying, and so many other things is a sin. How many of those people that are pointing their fingers and calling gays sinners... how many lies have they whispered? The Bible also says to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR. Love those around you. Show compassion. I don't believe in gays getting married by the church. Legally, sure. But even though those are my own thoughts... I don't hate them. When I see someone who I KNOW is gay, I don't think of them as a lesser human being. They are human. Why do people treat them as if they aren't? Like they're some kind of... disease? It's not fair for them. I treat people who are gay like normal people because they are. Sure, they're different- but I know that I am, too. Everyone is different. It doesn't make anyone any less a human, does it? Besides, if you're gay, that's just the way that you are. You can't fix it, it doesn't work that way.
People have to treat each other this way... that... breaks my heart. The world can never be perfect, I know that much. As I've said before, what exactly is a "human"? People call murderers and thieves inhuman... but being greedy and sinful is human nature.
My poor mother. Her mind, ever since she was a little girl, has been... hurt, in some way. I feel bad for not respecting her like I should. My respect in her lies in the love that I have for her and the fact that the Bible commands me to love my parents. There is still so much hatred in my own heart- I love my mother, but can I love my father? I continue to learn things about my mom that make me feel... I don't know how to explain it. As for my father... I really don't know any thing about him, and what I do makes me feel bitter and angry. I once said that he was dead to me- and he is. I don't want to meet him and he has disappeared from my thoughts. Still, someone who is dead can bring up emotions. My emotions towards my father are... sometimes indifference, sometimes hatred, and sometimes pity. Dead bring up emotions inside of us. Rici still brings up emotion inside of me. My thoughts, when they're on him, are... indescribable. I love him, but my love of him still can't be there without a mixture of pain and the desperate question of "why?" I want to love him, still think of him with a smile on my face... but when you commit suicide, how can you expect people to still respect you and think of you the same? Getting shot, dieing of old age or sickness is different. But to take your own life, to inflict pain on those around you, and to do that to yourself... how... cruel and selfish can you be?
 MythicalYoko · Mon Jul 16, 2007 @ 06:46pm · 2 Comments |
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