I thought about love for a long time....and by long i mean about 5 to 6 years(sad i knw).......but one day (and this was back when i was ten) i realized that maybe love wasnt meant for someone like me......i mean come on (honestly) who wants someone whos fat,ugly and to top it off a person who was waaaaay smarter than her class....tecnically a geek (realli i was ....they were all stupid >_<.....to me anyway lol).....well anyhow i thought like this for a while and while i thought that i still wanted to knw what was love,this simple word that made my heart beat faster and my mind edgy with anticipation.......so with this in mind i pondered over love, i observed love, i looked up love, anything that was about love i pondered over....even simple love poems could not quench my thirst for the answer i most desprately needed.....i looked to other people observing there affections for each other but no matter what i saw, read, thought,considered,questioned,studied or proposed it never made sense......but one day i came upon a realization (this was when i was about 12 to 13 years old).....that maybe love was the one thing in my life i would never have and so this was why i couldnt figure out what love was, and after all i still thought of myself as fat, ugly and geeky (the same as i did when i was ten) so ,from that point on i hated love, detested it and shunned it for the simple fact (that only to this day do i realize it) that i thought it hated me, i thought that i could never be loved and that for the rest of my life i would see all my friends find love and i would be alone forever (sad but true)......it wasnt until i turned 14 did i see the truth about love.......i always thought love hated me when in fact i not only hated love but i was jealous of love altogether.....(confused?let me explain)......since i had thought of myself as ugly and fat and geeky i had in my own mind block off love as an option which in turn could be read by anyone else(body language ,ect.) in a way because of that it was my own falut for not being able to feel love.......but since then (its been about a year).....i have descovered my own definition on love and here it goes...........love is not eternal nor is it perfect, it can be seen as a simple rose or a passionate kiss, it has the ability to make one cry both from sadness and joy and finally it causes heartace not ONLY to those that experienced it but to those that knew it and felt it as well..........so far this is my definition of love(short definition isnt it? ^_T)...and i hope that as time goes on i can add a little more to it (now that i realize that i can have love).......well thats my story and hope ya learned something from it ^_^......(i had and i still am lol)
~Xed out in BlOoD~ · Thu Aug 09, 2007 @ 03:22am · 2 Comments |