Mood: cry
Last Tuesday, my mom scheduled me a hair appointment at her hair stylist because my hair was almost down to my a** and was getting too long for my taste. I didn't plan on getting anything more than a trim because I like long hair, even if it was very plain, but my mom paid 50 dollars for this appointment (it's a real perfessional place that does the most beautiful jobs), so I felt obligated to get it styled a bit. gonk
Well, I hadn't a single clue what I wanted, so I flipped through the old books they had sitting there. Gosh, they had all VERY short styles. stressed I didn't want that! I liked having hair and I didn't plan on looked like an oobered dyke. scream Finally, I came across a semi-short (a little tiny but past the shoulders) look. It had bangs, which I never had in about 5 years, but I thought I'd give it a shot sense they were long. I told her that's what I wanted and she took me to the back.
I let her wash my hair, condition it, yadda yadda, then watched as she began cutting. I couldn't see sense I wasn't facing the mirror, but it didn't seem too bad. She turned to face me and started on my bangs. This is when the tears started to form. cry SNIP SNIP! She cut the left side of my bangs like this /. Slanted and straight down. She trimmed part of the right to match the longest length of the left (went down to 3/4's the way down my cheek). She began drying it and styling it so it POOFED out! stressed I looked like a ******** TV news reporter from the 60s. I was so shocked I just smiled and left.
Immediately after climbing in the car, my mom was like "that is SO cute!" and I almost cried. "NO MOM! I HATE it! I look like a oobered dyke!" (I looked like what I hadn't wanted to stare ). She even cut the hair an inch ABOVE my shoulders. I hate short hair on me...
Anyhow, I kept a hat on for the rest of the night until dinner sense I'm not allowed to wear one while eating. Tim even complimented me on it (my step-dad isn't the one to say nice things). The morning came, I showered, and then I saw what it looks like without being poofy...
It looks frickin' awesome! xd
I kept it down and moved the bangs to the side for my liking. EVERYONE at school complimented me. Even the head prep cheerleader 3nodding Tiana, real fasion girl, came up to me and said "I just had to say I love your hair". I was a happy girl.
And I just realized right before I was writing this entry and changing my avatar's clothing - It's EXACTLY like my avatar's hair cut! The only difference is the slant of my bangs! whee
Anywho, now comes the very bad part that doesn't get better. It has to do with why I am staying home from school today (yes yes, West Coast, I'm still in school for another 2 weeks). sad
Last night I had the worst dream of my life. I don't know why it was so horrible, but I woke up sobbing uncontrolably, gasping, sweating, and with the worst broken heart ever.
It started with me being at my boyfriend's house (even though it really wasn't his house o.O). I caught him in bed with another girl (porn type girl with huge tee-tee's). I was so mad I was cursing at him and everything about how he could do this. I asked him how he could love me and her at the same time, and he only shrugged and said "I guess I just do".
Nonsense was happening, something about running through his house and out towards the highway. They both followed me as I was going to step in front of a car (but I was scared to in my dream, so I stopped). Sean (my boyfriend for those of you who don't know) was telling me not to, and I started yelling back at him. Eventually, the other girl, stepped out in front of a trackter. She was cut up badly. cry I can still see her bloody body like it is still playing in my mind.
Sean was so hurt, he was crying. It cut out to when I was at school, on the computer and looking at a blog entry of Sean's. He had put such loving things, and I can still remember word for word:
"Me and my girlfriend had so much fun last night. We were just wrestling and kissing and one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were under the covers. I love maine so much <3"
I called him up on his cell to tell him I was sorry (I was going up the gym stairs, I dont know why, I just remember that vividly). I asked him if I was going to hell, and he replied "you better start putting your faith into God right now", then he hung up.
- Little note, my boyfriend is a practicing Christian rather you like it or not. He puts all his faith into God, attends a privet Christian school, and constantly pushes me to get a little more into my faith which I never do sense I have so many doubts. But this morning... I was actually praying. Alrighty, I'll go on:
After only a few seconds, my phone was ringing and it was his ring tone (I have a special ring tone for different people so I know who is calling before picking it up). I was so excited so I answered, but all I got was a guy going "uh" as if he got the wrong number. I looked at my phone and it said it was a 503 area code, which isn't Sean's. I hung up.
That's when I woke up and started to cry. I grabbed my phone to try and call my mom, but her phone was off. I got up and walked to her bedroom to see her getting ready for work. At this point, I was crying even harder. She was so scared. She held me and asked me what was wrong until I finally said I had a horrible dream. She took me into the other room and tried comforting me, and it worked for the most part.
I was still crying, my heart was hurting so bad. I had never felt so much emotional pain sense another insident that happened awhile ago, early on in my relationship. But this was worse. I know people probably suffered from heart break before, and if you have felt this, I apologize for anyone having to feel this. If you haven't, try hard not to. Trust me. Physical pain has NOTHING on emotional pain - and I've been through it all.
Later I called Sean, still crying (this is about 45 minutes later, after my mom left to work). It was about 5:15 in the morning so he was overly tired. After he woke up a bit, he asked me what was wrong and I could only apologize for having put him through this pain in the past (which I know I have). I finally spit out the story and he continued to tell me he loved me and that it was only a dream. He even had a reason to why I had that dream, but I don't wish to tell anyone but my close friends what happened.
I called up my mom around 6:30, asking if I could stay home. I couldn't stop crying when I thought about that dream, and my cramps were getting the best of me. She said it was alright as long as I don't have any finals today. So I slept it off until about 10:30 when I got online and surfed Gaia.
Well, that's my story. To those who haven't been in love and felt heart break - you will probably think I'm just some sort of wimp. That isn't true at all. I'm a strong person, but after feeling this pain, you'll know what I'm talking about.
TW!NKLE BL!NKS Community Member 
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