Ok I'm using this journal for bitching.
Well I guess some mildly interesting stuff has been happening. The most interesting thing is my rats had babies. whee heart
Theres five of them that made it alive. I'm very excited about having the rat babies. I got another cage as well which is going to basically be the female rat cage though Mitsu is by herself right now.
Lifes the same for me though... in ways I feel like the only one who hasn't really been changing. Parents are seeming somewhat better but who knows if that really means anything or how long that will last. After all these years they still really don't know understand much about me which doesn't really bother me by itself since I don't honestly want to reveal much just differences can be annoying at times. I wonder if I made the right choice about some things I seem to have just failed in my plan. Whatever I guess it's all past and theres nothing I can really do but feel like a failure and idiot.
Now it's October and my birthday is just around the corner... I knew it was coming up but I hadn't really been paying attention until people had to talk about it. Going to my moms with my dad and brother is something we do for a lot of holidays so I was expecting that but I really don't plan other s**t. I'm not really looking forward to my birthday at all it's not a day to celebrate for me it's a day to grieve. I wish I wasn't older I wish my life hadn't come to this...
The day will pass though as quickly as it comes either way it's all unimportant. The other thing bothering me about my birthday is I'm afrad of what my mom might be getting me... A few days ago she wanted me to show her the digital camera I had been interested in. I don't really want her to get that for me... not that it's not a wonderful amazing gift but it's expensive even if it can be paid monthly. Even still the camera doesn't hold as much value as it once did to me but she doesn't know I suppose. She may not get the camera though (or at least not this soon) so thats fine and it honestly in ways might be better. I used to want a digital camera so bad... yeah it would be aweasome to have now but I wouldn't enjoy using it nearly as much I would have before. That all just makes me feel guilty but it hasn't happened yet so I at least don't have the full effect.
Other than that my dad is just different again. I guess he is at least trying more than usual so thats at least good... though I notice he seems to pretend a bit around me.
I really haven't been going to any events or seeing many people. Everything I have thought of going to I just didn't go to, again not really important I'm not really sure I'd enjoy myself anyway. I have seen a few friends occasionally which can actually be nice as long as not to many other people are around. I notice though I seem to almost want to distance myself from a lot of people... it's not I don't care about them or don't like them. I just feel strange not really in the mood to see many. It's not as if it matters though really, they will all be fine without me around, the only people I really miss are just my closest friends which is slim but thats fine.
I have nothing more to really say when I start bitching I just go on and on. So thats enough for now.
 Glomey · Wed Oct 17, 2007 @ 09:54pm · 2 Comments |
