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well, so far the only good part to this year is john, and even then i don't get to talk to him much. there is always something going on that keeps him from the computer and keeps his phone shut off. last i heard, verizon was upgrading their web and phone service to fios in the area, and they were putting it under ground so that the weather wont bother the connection any more. after that, internet and phone cut out for him. the next day i get an offline message from him, sent at 4am my time, 7am his time. he explained that verizon was taking forever to get everything right. however, at the time i received that, he was not online, nor was his phone working (still isn't). i don't know what is going on, but it is REALLY discouraging. i just wish he could live here in oregon, in this town, with his family so i don't have to worry about talking to him once and the not again for a week or more.
to add on, my funds for gas to get to and from school has been limited to $100 per month. on a tank that has 16 gallons and gets 17 miles per gallon, and with that money in an account that requires a minimum of $25 at any given time (any less and they charge you $1 per month), with that same account used for ebay so we can hopefully sell some stuff, that leaves me with $65 for the month in gas. this equals up to one day of school per week. because of this limitation, i have had to drop my calculus class (it was the wrong one anyway. turns out that i signed up for calculus meant for math and business majors. i'm supposed to take calculus meant for science and mechanics majors, which is much harder >< ), and am not doing well in my chemistry class (love chemistry, and can do well if i can attend regularly). now add to that the fact that we spent $325 in groceries at costco, which equals the total budget for the month in groceries from costco AND winco. this was way too much, so we did not go to winco (usually we spend $200 at costco and $100 at winco. stuff is expensive), and i did not get any money for the month in gas. now i barely have enough to get to school next week for finals, plus maybe a trip to my second family to clean house like i usually do. to add on, because of this problem, i cannot go back to school until i get a job to pay for gas. already i can see my future disappearing, if i even had one. i don't know what to do any more. i want to talk to john so badly, but i can't. i want to go to school so badly, but i can't do that either. i want a job so i can pay for my own stuff, but so far i can't even get that. with all this stuff that i want to do and need to do, but cannot do, what is there that i can do? what is there that i am good for?