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I really think this song is like the story of my life. (except the weird bits..) just read it and see.
Hate me by Blue October

I have to block out thoughts of you
so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach
leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape
to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head
that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride,
a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you.
will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me
just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things
i didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see
what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart
is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you
for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself,
you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions
on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself
when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f***ing far away
that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes
in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things
I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see
what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye
to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street
for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy
I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry
and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling
"Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back
and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered
"How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things
I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally
see what's good for you.

i absolutely love this song -
i highly recommend you listen to it.
x heart x