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~*Really?

Really. It feels so good to actually type in my journal again. But i'm doing this secretly, so half and half, i feel good; then again not so good because i know this might stab me in the back later. I'm just really sick and tired, talking to Lilly (current old fashion diary) all the time. I mean, she never really responds, but makes my mood satisfied because i got it out. But she just never seems to care, yet again, she's just a book.
Everything i wrote in there, cramped my hand and limited my writing. I didn't want to waste her on little thoughts, but the huge things that had a huge impact on my life. But this journal, the one that remains in Gaia, i love the most. I like to go back on my later entries. I find myself reading my own life like a book. Eating and saying:
Ah, yes. I remember. Tragic.
Then there were entries i really tried to avoid. Even if i didn't post anything in this journal, people seemed to still read it.
My parents told me to delete entries one-by-one. I only deleted the ones about our family, but not the other ones. I still wanted to go back and look.
But anyways if you want to zoom into my life here it goes:

Life has been treating me well. Great actually. Swimming, i found it easier when i thought positive. Surely i always doubted myself, yet again i was pressured. School doesn't make me sad, but it makes me angry. Girls have boy issues, while my heart thumps for nobody. I do still fantasize about my crazy boy dreams, but i keep that at a limit. I'm getting more and more work, and spend most of my time talking to Kenny on Myspace.
Also i'm angry about Obama winning the election. Right now you democrates can go suck an egg.
I'm more aware of my surroundings, and actually care about what people think about me now. The i'm not afraid to speak my thoughts, hasn't changed but has gotten stronger. I fear that the more honest things that are rude, i say, pushes my friends away. That reminds me of Bree. Remember her? Yea, she's with me everyday, i mean, she is me. I learned to deal with her, she was my backbone. She was aggressive. She stopped me from squealing at dirt and sweat.
If you're wondering about Hailey forget her. The good girl lost it, we hardly talk. She can have Tanner- the boy is dumb. Who is he to choose? Was my thoughts everyday at the beginning of school, it was painful. But i find myself thinking that soooo much i can never get anything done. I'll wait intill highschool, maybe i might find a better guy there?
Yet again, each girls wants a prince charming, riding a white horse. The gay guys more like it. Highschool is probably more challenging than middle school, or probably not. Maybe it's just the same old thing, but just with more stupid girls? The senior (Or wolves shoulds i say) guys go out and hunt for freshmeat (freshman girls). Horny is where i'm getting at, and they're the biggest players of all because well, they're like that. They want to get into the girls pants. If she gets knocked up, or dear god, who's fault is that? I'm hoping to get into NT. It shouldn't be hard if Katie got into NT with her swimming times, so Sammi i think you should zip the lips and not doubt it.
Then college, i'm not sure if i will get into UW, but i want to. I mean, Kenny's gonne be there -laughs-. Also Erik would be in NT also, but i'm not sure if i'll be around him. Maybe in the beginning of school, but intill i get new friends i'm busting out. I don't want to be a bother, i mean, like his shadow.
That also reminds me everyday after science class we have break. There is usally a guitar lesson and well, Valerie and me like to sneak and try and see this really hot, cool, korean guy, who passes by. He's in highschool, and we'll only gawk at him. I mean we don't like him like that, we just think he's UBERLY cool. He's so unreal, he looks like an anime guy, yet a little feminine, and walks like a model. -melts-
I really need to end this rant.
Really?