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couldn't be loved...or thought |
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I never thought that i was going 2 be loved by anyone.......but it all changed after i met Vince (Rintaro), he loved me 4 "ME" no one ever does that, well most don't. I was sad a few days ago becuz i thought that i wasn't good enough 4 him, n i was making him sad becuz of it. i doubt i was ever going 2 have his forgiveness, i didn't deserve it, but he proved me wrong he forgave me. He's such a good person n i should have realised that u never find a person that u have a connection 2 more than once. I told my best friend how i felt, n she told me that we we're perfect 4 each other, n it took me 2 days to find myself again, n get the courage 2 tell him how i felt. i just hope that fight didn't tear us apart, i regret trying to push him away because i feel like he is going away, it seems i always push happiness away.....becuz i lov him , i'm afraid of losing him, but if he chooses someone else, i'm ok with it, he found a person that made him happier more than me n he deserves that *faintly smiles* i'll live threw the hurt as far as i can, wat else can i do? I'm just human, plain weak human. I don't want 2 push happiness away anymore, but i think i might be 2 late.......i wish i had more courage 2 ask him but, i'm a damn chicken, i've always have been *tears slowly fall* n i hate that i am...... I'll always be me, but as i grow.....i'll almost fall apart. Everytime i feel like i'm not wanted i die ali bit inside, each time alil more than the last. Why? i don't know, self esteem problems? Probably because i never had alot of friends growing up, i always kept 2 myself, because i felt unwanted everywhere i go, tried 2 make friends either had lil or none, i opened up alil in middle school n i did make some n their still with me at this very day, n i thank god 4 that. I thank god i found Vince, everyday. He is part of me, i've found my other half with him i started out hollow n i was completed....but some how i lose a small piece each time i feel like he doesn't want me, or he's sad (cause i feel like i caused it, sometimes)(also cuz i don't know how 2 fix it) but when i make him happy it fills up again, that missing piece. If ur reading this who ever i'm srry i'm dumping all this on u, really am........but i thank u for kinda listening, n if u want u can comment me in maybe it can help me.
 Blue_Blood_Masquerade · Sun Nov 23, 2008 @ 12:44am · 1 Comments |
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