ok.... my 2 different "families" there is my wonderful family consisting of all of my brothers and my sister most of which now think of me as a psychopathetic nekophiliac
then there is my evil "family" consisting of my older "bro", my "twin bro", my "mom", and my "dad" .... today, i made a discovery.... my "dad" thinks im a "gutter slut" so now of course his clone (my "twin" wink does too.... and i rarely get to speak to my older "bro" and i dont see much of my "mom" except when she is bitching at me or picking me up from school.... and they wonder why i cant sleep at night and why my grades have dropped and why the hell im always cussing and being so bitchy and negative.....
ya know, its kinda funny.... they think im a slut because i cuss..... iv never had a bf.... never will..... im not goin les or bi or anything of that sort.... im just gonna go through life a lonely miserable b***h who has nothing other than her cats to keep her company....
the worst parts of being angsty and miserable are: 1) how easily i break down into tears when no one is around 2) how hard it is to think or do anything other than make myself feel worse 3) how easily i get tired but how hard it is to sleep 4) not being able to show how awful it feels to anyone 5) knowing its not going to get any better 6) wishing i could die but being too afraid that there is nothing after life to actually go through with anything.... 7) not having anyone to lean on for support when im feeling my worst and knowing i never will because of what i live with cool embarrassing the hell outta myself by making weird confessions and things like this in desperate attempts to gain some form of non-negative/hateful attention from people .... and of course there is more.... i just cant think of it right now.... because of #'s 2 and 3 .....
o wait i thought of one.... knowing that i probably should and need to talk to someone but not being able to because of not knowing what to say, how to say it, then theres that thing that you learn to do in school where you feel like you cant say anything.... or finally simply because there is no one there.....
ok, well im listening to a really pretty song.... by Nine Inch Nails.... the title just says that it is an unknown bonus track and it is really nice.... i love piano's ..... makes me wish that a) we owned one and b) that i had been forced to take lessons
awww welll its too late now....
Unni Ineo · Mon Oct 10, 2005 @ 05:34am · 3 Comments |