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~*"That would be bad."

It was a good reason to confess to Tanner, but my after thoughts, or second thoughts, either way, are pinching my brain.
I can act anyway i want around him, since he knows. But it doesn't give me the right to poke around him- so i back off. I've been feeling like a bother to him lately, but he's been calling me back.
Giving me gifts.
Coming over to my desk more often.
Completely random flirtatious remarks.
A girl should be happy that a guy is coming around giving you gifts, and spending time with you. But i don't like it.
It's not bad, but it feels strange. Everyday at lunch he'll share his lunch with me. We don't eat lunch together, but he'll call my name and give me something. I would put it in the middle of the table and sometimes tell my friends to eat it.
'Um.'
Sarah says, confused.
He keeps on giving me stuff- gifts. Alot of crap.
I said.
'That's a good sign. Means he wants you.'
Bernadine says.
I think that, but i don't feel that. I'm cautious. Since he is totally aware of my feelings he can do anything. Sometimes i think, he's thinking, Oh, see how she reacts when i do this to her, when i give her that.
He can use me. Yet again, i never really let him do that. But there's a weak spot of me doing things for him all over again.
Can you hold my books?
Can you help me.
Come here.
'Come here.' I did. I went to him. That's the only command i really couldn't resist. 'Come here,' ment, 'come here i have something to tell you.'


I'm frustrated- really. I feel like a secret girlfriend.

'I'm gonna have to sit across the room from you. I'll miss you.'
I shall, as well.
'Bye, girlfriend.'

'Eh?! I didn't know you guys were going out, tell me tanner!'
It was a joke.
We both snap.

My chest hurts. My stomach is sick all over again. Both snapping that it was a joke. Why did i say that? Yes. I don't want to trouble him. What does he want from me? nothing. . .? but it always felt like something.
He turns to stare at me in science class. Smiling. I take off my glasses to stare at his face.
I was gladly smiling at a blurry face. I hardly saw his eyes.

Walking out of school with Valerie i told her that i felt odd around him. She told me it's a sign. I denied it. I could be used.
'Oh. That would be bad.'
She said.
Raining, watching her walk towards her dads car, i opened my car door and threw my stuff in.
They can't really be your friend. They change when you tell them you love them. They completely change. They're different.
I sat in the car.
I'm so stupid. Taking advice from a guy in an anime. A guy who got only laid once. I felt stupid, i wanted to laugh. So i did.

I never told him i loved him.

Why was this happening in funny stages?

If i had a friend named charlene, this would be just perfect.

I kept laughing. I just kept laughing, harder and harder. I laughed so hard, i cried.