Last entry, I said I would choose power over love, because with power I can get more. With power I can feed a family, save the world, get a leg up in being the best that I can possibly be.
But what happens when you've just slammed the door to love and then the bridge to power just blew up?
I didn't get the position. The other two girls did. I'm happy for them, and I'm confident that they're going to do a great job, but I can't help but be disappointed.
This was one of two things that I've ever really wanted. This, and him. I had decided that I wasn't going to choose him, so I was going to go after the more logical choice. And I did. I just happened not to get the most logical choice.
I'm angry though. I chose to try out for flag captain. Then when the positions were announced, it was for overall captain and field captain. I knew instantly that I didn't get it. I was only OK when it came to reading drill and setting positions. Of course the instructor would have to choose the other girl.
It was said earlier on, before the tryouts, that this would be for the next two years, unless there was a major problem. Friends that I've talked to said that this was unfair. And the instructor has changed some things out from under our feet before, so maybe I'll be able to get another chance for next year. Or even if I recruited many more people; if I did that, then maybe I'd be put as a co-captain because two wouldn't be enough. I certainly hope so.
Now I turn back to the stuck door. I pound on it with my fist. I write out a confession that I can send to him via internet.
The new semester started, and then a door nearby opens. From the looks of it, it could just be a short little curved hallway to send me into a little adventure and then back to this same spot with only time wasted. Or it could lead me to the same room as the one that the stuck door leads to. It could lead me to a completely different room with something just as good as the best that could be behind the stuck door.
So, with only a few things to lose, I approach the open door with caution. If I'm careful, then what's the worst that could happen?
*knocks on wood*
With that cryptic message, I bid you adieu.
This is Horse lady, signing out!
Katie Sea Community Member 
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