The past few months have been rather bad for me. Not because I changed to online school, not because I realized that the only people who know me for me either don't want to talk to me anymore or are extremely far away, and definitely not because I can't get a job.
The past few months have been hard for me because I realized that if I left a friend behind at the regular schooling place, I left them alone with some people who only act like friends. However, I don't feel bad for those I left behind, I just wish I could do something to help them that wouldn't risk me being sent to the hospital because of my stupid immune system being weak. (Found this out last weekend)
I have also lost some friends who decided that I was just someone who they could use when they want to use and then store away in a little box till they needed me again. This caused me to have to delete and ignore them on MSN, and just delete them on YIM and Gaia and here.If YIM gave me the option, I would have blocked them. I don't block them here or on Gaia, because it only hurts me when I see that they are online for hours and then just decide not to answer any messages I sent to them or even check up on me unless they have some big problem. (Learned this last month)
The only other thing that annoys me, is that now I have nowhere to go during summer break. I was going to go to Massechusetts, then Michigan, then Alaska, and then to Oregan. Two of those [laces I was going to go meet friends, but they apparently aren't my friends abymore and never were. One of the places I was going to go just to see family, and the other I was going to go to because I heard it was cold there. But now, I don't want to go because I won't be meeting anyone interesting, I won't have anyone going with me, and I would much rather save my cash for something that will bring others happiness as well as myself.
So now, I am pretty sure that my only good friends are the ones I have been seeing almost every weekend, or at least talk to and know I have plans with during the year. Anyone else who just pops up when it is conveinient for them isn't a friend I guess. Which really makes me sad, because I am pretty sure I will never make any other friends again, or have a lover, because these ******** screwed me up so bad that I can't ******** feel anything anymore! and the only way I can feel anything, is to read stories off of Fictionpress.com where the girl gets killed or betrayed by her lover! WTF?! Anyone have a cure for this s**t!?
 Beware-Mutated_Zombies · Wed Apr 08, 2009 @ 06:09am · 0 Comments |
