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Well, since there is a substitute here, I guess I can write about this right now, it might help.
Lately, I've been extremely depressed about a number of things. So, yes, this is another one of my big a**, "I feel like s**t, so read my journal and feel bad" moments, that like half this site always writes about, so if you don't feel like hearing me mope and whine and b***h about stuff, you might wanna stop reading. I'm probably gonna get pretty Em0, but maybe that might help.
Like I said, s**t has not been going too well. Got my SAT and ACT scores back, and I'm not too pleased about the results. Colleges are getting farther away from my field of vision, and my idiot father is actually bragging about my future plans, as if they're solid. I really wanna just deck him sometimes, for no reason at all, other than being able to say that I hit my dad, and it felt good.
School's alright, it could be better. Mr. Kuhns isn't Public Enemy #1 anymore, to be honest, I'm really not that mad at him. It's that whole, immature, "teacher gives you bad grade, so you automatically hate him forever like it's his fault you're not turning in your work". Ms. Klein on the other hand, could learn to shut the ******** up once in a while. Her little plan about doing this Science Project is gonna backfire hard, since she's been gone for the past two days, and I know no one's done their work, other than me. This is exactly why I excluded myself from all future voluntary group work, because I can't rely on anyone for my grades, I hate having to do that. If my grade costs me s**t, I want it ot be because it was my fault, no because someone else screwed up.
Website Science has become a bother, particularly because people are fed up with Ms. Shugars, and she's fed up with people. Reese got caught playing Counter-Strike again, so he got sent to the dean's. Now he's opting for Work Study, and she's mad because the deans are letting him take the easy way out. By the way, as I type this, he's playing it again, along with Vance, Chris, and Caesar. So yeah, I always get s**t for not doing work, but when it comes down to it, at least my s**t's a bit more productive.
Hmm..I'm looking forward to the weekend, particularly because I'll be out of the house. I enjoy school about 10x more, simply because I'm not in that house with them. I seriously think I'm starting to dislike Sophia, I think it's cause she's teething. I get yelled at at least once a day for something or other I did wrong, and Kelly thinks she can get me. I know this, for instance, because of today. Last night I talked on the phone with Sonja, well past the time I was supposed to be asleep. I woke up, around 6:03. My bus leaves at 6:09. When I opened my room door to run down the stairs, I noticed my parent's bedroom door was open. That meant she was awake. And she knew I had slept in, so I basically mentally gave her the finger, by taking my time downstairs, and wishing her a good day, even though she questioned me being on the phone when I wasn't supposed to. Of course, the second I got out the door, I ran my a** off, and caught the bus in time, and had to do my hair on the bus, and it looked and still does, and my clothes are annoying me, and I forgot a sweater, but ******** that, I won that fight at home.
You know, whenever they talk about Sophia's future, I laugh my a** off inside, thinking about what will really happen. They have all these plans, so that Sophia's gonna be a perfect little robot. It's sad, honestly, and I fear for her, and pity her, which is why I currently can't get mad at Sophia, no matter how annoying she is with her teething, because I know she might as well get this frustration out now, because according to Kelly's Master Plan, she'll never have the time.
For instance, they actually said Sophia wasn't going to have soda until she's like a teenager. Can you ******** believe that? I don't, not for a second. Because, see what happens is, they have all this dieting thing going down, and Kelly's all, "The house is going to change". Bullshit. If they want to stick to this formula of Sophia's diet being top-notch, they're going to have to follow it, or sooner or later she's gonna figure s**t out on her own. Like they're never going to take her to McDonald's or something. Yeah, right. Kelly will get weak and give in eventually, and if she doesn't, I'll ruin it for them myself. Yep, I said it, when I get older, if I still remain in contact with my parents, I will make it my duty to ruin it, and I'll buy her a Super Size Coca-Cola, and a Sundae with extra Hot Fudge. Screw. You. Both.
I'm so sick of this little "Perfect Little Daughter" scenario they have that's not going to work. My generation is breeding an even worse one, so I know she's gonna end up corrupted. And if she's like how they say they want her, God help my sister, she'll scare me. I know this is a lot to say, but think of it from my position. It sounds to me like my dad is trying to make up for "me". I'm his "Favorite Mistake", and he knows it, and I know it, and I hope he gets another one. I'm glad I'm a failure, I'm glad I ruined his expectations, because, from the start, they weren't what I wanted. This whole time, it's what he wants for me, and I'm ******** ecstatic I metaphorically spit in his face. Let them all live together and be the damn, Stepford Family, I want no part of it.
You know what? I don't care if I wouldn't be able to handle going to Arizona to live and go to Collin's College. I'd be away from them, they wouldn't have to worry about me, and I could learn how to get a job, and become responsible, and devote myself to my studies, because between that, and my job, that's all I'd have to worry about. I wouldn't have to be anywhere near them, and I could probably room with Russell, and I'd be fine. I don't care if I had a rocky start or anything, that's expected, I'd do whatever it takes to make it on my own. I think that call I'm going to get today I'll accept. I want out of this goddamn town. I try to weigh the pros and cons, and as much as missing my friends, Anime Vegas, and Las Vegas and its people in general, I'd be able to keep in contact with them.
I'm flying off the handle on this idea, but I really like it. I'm glad I got this entry out, and I know I could pull it off. I can be determined enough to handle being on my own, I'd do anything to be out of my family's hair. I know they'd appreciate me being gone too. There'd be no more trouble.
Edible Substance · Tue Dec 06, 2005 @ 06:50pm · 0 Comments |
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