Okay this is mostly ranting that actually doesn't mean anything but I just gotta get it out... so ignore this entry if you don't want to get all depressed. Trust me, I don't want to be depressed either. It's just that... if there was no sadness in the world, there wouldn't be happiness either.
I know I said I wouldn't be sad... but damn, I just am, right this very moment, and I don't wish to be, who would want to be sad!!! But... I just am! Why, damnit!!! I promised I wouldn't cry... And it's so hard not to... I don't know WHY I'm like that right now... I'm sorry... I don't want to cry anymore that anyone would want to...
I don't want to be left behind... I don't want to become less important... I know I shouldn't fear, but it scares me, this thought... like a little knawing termite in the back of a wooden clock or something... I don't want to be left out... I don't want to come home one day and then find myself cast out on the street, alone, nowhere to go... noone to run to... I just wish there was a promise I could hold onto... a promise that said I wouldn't ever be cast out... wouldn't ever be forgotten...
But is there such a promise? Does such a thing really exist? I don't know...
I miss you... I really do, so so much... UGHHHH. *growls at self* Damn, this is becoming rather a daily thing... I don't want to go to camp... I don't want to be away for three days... I want to stay... It's three effin' days, damnit... *cries*
I promised not to cry... I promised. I'll try not to... Try my very very best... But it's hard... I don't want school to start... I don't want to be left behind!!! And to top it all off, the cherry on the sundae... I'm so lonely right now... like I am everyday. But... it feels as though each day is lonelier than the last... though that could be because my love is growing deeper... If that were possible... I hope... maybe...
...sigh, all of that above was, like, total s**t... and I'd delete it only if I did, I'd still worry and stuff. *looks away and bites lip* Forget it... I'll go play Rakion, shoot some arrows and hopefully feel better...
//EDIT: And now my mother tells me I have an appointment at the doctor's tomorrow. Which means I won't get home till afternoon... and therefore waste a lot of time when I could have been spending time with my love. I hate my life.
AngelRaz · Mon Dec 12, 2005 @ 10:43am · 2 Comments |