I'm stuck in an estranged maze within my own head. I feel so confused. I thought for a little while that my life had turned around, that I was done and that I could go on and do whatever I want with my life and actually have fun with it. But as soon as another woman came to my mind, my imaginary future crumbled away, and even though it was because of the other woman, my thoughts just came back to the first... And yet, this next woman would give such a better future, so much more in the end... but I love both, yet there's advantages on both sides, and... oh god I am so confused, I feel like I'm gonna seriously go insane if this keeps up. I know that I'm moderately crazy right now, but I mean CRAZY. Like, living in someone I don't know's addic and hissing at the light--and actually MEANING it crazy.
Yeah... I feel really stupid now. Please comment on my stupidity, because I obviously can't get ahold of it myself... I need help...
I feel like a genuine a*****e. One of my friends moved away this morning, and I didn't even know until last night. I didn't even get to say goodbye... but there was more that I needed to say to her...
Well, That answers itself, what I had been wanting to say... but whatever, that is just another ingredient in my ******** up mix of death and hatred that I call life. I have so much to look forward to, yet I have stuck my head into the gilliotine by desiring what I cannot have.
I'm going to kill something one of these days. And I don't know what. I can feel so much bubbling up inside of me, one of these days I'm going to lose it and force the life out of the closest thing...
Jareth Black · Wed Feb 01, 2006 @ 01:08am · 1 Comments |