Nobody really reads this anymore. I'm only on here because of a couple of friends anyway.
But for clarification, here are some updates.
Back/spine: Still healing, have arthritis, but doing much better and gonna be in guard for next band season.
We had about two months worth of rain in two days. So it's flooding in a lot of places, and half the students in my school had to stay after because roads were too dangerous. That's what you get, Mr. Superintendent, for making us be the ONLY school in the state that didn't get sent home early. Karma? But it was taken out on the students. So not karma. Ah well; I got to go home at the normal time!
As for the abusive "relationship," I was never in a romantic relationship besides the one I had in seventh grade, which I'm not counting as a romantic relationship anymore.
This relationship was a friendship, and I realize that it was abusive and I was lucky that we broke contact before anything bad could happen. Even then, I'm keeping my eyes and ears open.
I joined this site when I was twelve. I had parental permission, and that was Gaia-legal back in the day.
I started getting involved in roleplays, and joined a roleplay guild. There, I participated in more romantic roleplays, Hey, I was a fantasy-obsessed awkward twelve-year-old girl. Can't exactly blame me.
So there was this one roleplay, and my character became an awkward odd wheel (not ironic that I'm still the awkward odd wheel, haha).
Suddenly, he joined in.
Jeff's grammar and spelling were atrocious, and his character's development just sucked. But his character immediately sought mine out, and proposed. I didn't know how to say no. Sure, this guy was pissing me off, but was his character pissing my character off? I didn't know, so I made my character love his.
Then later he sends me the first pm. I can't remember what was said, but I remember that it soon ended up as him really liking my personality and liking ME.
I was flattered and had very low self-esteem. I "liked" him too, but it was too fast. We then exchanged ages and when he found out I was twelve (he was 25 or 26 at the time) he freaked out and apologized and said he was going to kill himself.
I think he was overreacting, but at the time I thought he was serious, so I wrote a huge long paragraph about how he should keep living. He decided to listen to me.
Feeling guilty, I kept talking to him. Eventually, we tried the relationship thing out again, but it only lasted a few hours, because he wanted to get all (roleplay-style) sexual with me. He threw the suicide thing out there again. I held him back from it again, but we never did anything sexual again.
So we were friends and started talking about more spiritual stuff. He claimed that we had known each other in a past life. I'm a believer in reincarnation, and it's perfectly plausible that we've met before, but he just assumed and claimed and said it was true. I'm still uncertain. He then started claiming that we had been siblings. This one is very doubtful.
Over the years, he's been banned a lot of times, and always contacting me when he gets new accounts, claiming that the moderators are too strict or being jerks or something. But I've looked at his posts, and they're all quite suggestive and misleading. He made a scantily-dressed female avatar and claimed to be a lesbian and asked for lesbian roleplays. No disrespect for lesbians or porn, but it bugs me when a person lies, especially about sexual stuff.
Eventually, he got banned for good, so we kept contact over email. More persuasion of past life stuff, or how we're fated to meet, or how he knows me well, or something. Also about how if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be alive.
But it got to be too much and he broke ties with me, because I told him, finally, that this just wasn't safe for either of us.
Should I feel guilty? No. I'm not his mother; I shouldn't care about the life of this stranger. If he committed suicide, it's not on my head. He should have learned to become self-reliant, or at least to be less of a pervert and get some offline friends.
So this isn't the classic case of abuse, but he took advantage of me, brainwashed me into thinking we were friends. He made me feel afraid. He made me feel ashamed. But I couldn't fight back because we were friends.
Some advice for anyone reading this; know your truth. It doesn't matter who you're speaking to, but you should hold on to your own truth. If someone says that you believe in stupid stuff, but you believe that it isn't true, no matter what scientific data someone brings out, keep holding into your truth. Especially if it's someone close to you.
And that's my spiel for today. This is Horse lady, Katie, signing out.
Katie Sea Community Member 
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