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HELP!! - my emo is acting up |
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yeah, so .... you all know how much ricks mere prescence annoys me, right?? well, today, i begged and pleaded with him yet again for him to leave the room that i was in.... didnt work..... as usual.... but for once i gave up for a while instead of fighting until i got in trouble.... and boy was it worth it rolleyes stare .... YEAH RIGHT.... so in the end, i end up getting kicked off the tv at 7 because he sits there and bugs the s**t out of me until i end up cussing him out.... i mean, its clearly not bad enough that im sick and that my mouth is screwed up from the orthodontist the other day so i cant yell....
rick's philosophy is "im the adult and you will respect me!!" what he means is, "im older than you and im a man so i am god.... i am never wrong and you must do whatever i say.... i dont hafta even listen to a single word you say because im always right" (o and the reason why the man part is important is because he doesnt listen to my mom either)
i was thinking about something a little bit ago.... having yet another conversation with the shrink that lives in my head.... er, mainly me just rambling to them.... it came down to me thinking: ive tried just talking and being polite, no one listens.... ive tried yelling, but i was still ignored and i cant yell anymore..... and now im trying to cuss people out until they listen to me, but all that gets me is more punishment .... nothing works.... no one listens.... so what am i supposed to do??
o and earlier, i drew a picture and then my emo started to act up. it just looked to bright and cheerful and i, well, wasnt.... then, during a power struggle with rick over the remote(in other words, he wanted the tv but he didnt bother to ask for the remote) i had been holding the picture, looking at it.... it got crumpled.... i was even angrier..... then i was grounded for repeatedly calling rick what he is.... an a** hole..... later i came down, stood in the kitchen, glaring at rick as he sat in tv room watching american idol (*is seething with contempt*) then mom came up stares.... i remembered my picture and walked over to it, picked it up.... got even more emo(i hadnt realized it was possible but ok) i complained to my mom about how with every day that passes living in this house, my hatred for life itself increases.... and then i tore up the picture.... and dispite my not liking it, it still felt as though i had torn my soul straight out of my own chest.....
tearing up pictures, especially ones iv drawn, no matter how aweful or unlikeable, is still an injury to my own soul.... and then the feelings of guilt over murdering my own picture arise..... and my emo increases yet again.....
Unni Ineo · Wed Feb 22, 2006 @ 01:59am · 0 Comments |
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