My favorite line was, "You're the reason why I became quiet.
You're the reason why I became so private."
But it seems like your being too hard on yourself. And don't be happy if he is seeing someone. Hate her and get your way and make him unhappy. That's what I would do. But for you, I don't know. Since you said you bring him much pain. And I can't belive you wish you never met him and wish you could forget about him when your in lvoe with him. mayeb it just hurts you tooo much.