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Nissa's hands were shaking as she pushed the small button in, locking her door. She stumbled over a few things on her floor but finally found the bed. With shaking hands she grabbed the closest pillow and buried her face in it. At that moment everything that was important seemed pointless to her. Sobs tore from her throat as she finally broke down. Her body shook violently as she cried. On instinct her legs moved up letting her curl into a ball for safety. Her fingers clutched at the soft pillow case pulling it closer to her face.
"Why?" she thought
Nissa tried to form words but all that came out were broken cries. Pain seared in her chest with every breath she took.
"Why does this always happen to me?" her mind cried
Silence for what seemed like forever drifted through the air. Then a muffled child-like cry was heard from Nissa. Tears continued to fall, soaking the pillow she was holding. It didn't matter though, Nissa couldn't think about anything but what she had been told only moments ago.
"Only as a friend....I didn't know...I'm so sorry..."
Curling up tighter she gripped the wet pillow to her face. Sobs ripped from her already broken voice. Her chest rose and fell with each painful cry. Her eyes though wet with tears, burned and stung.
"Just this once can't I win?" she choked out "I just want to be happy..."
Images raced through her mind making her cry harder. Nissa turned into her blankets wishing she could disappear. She hadn't felt this pain in so long and that was why she didn't know how to deal with it.
"I thought I had a chance..." her mind whispered "I thought he liked me back..."
"But you were wrong, as usual." a voice whispered with a laugh "You were stupid to think it would go your way."
"I'm not stupid..." she thought "Shut up, just leave me alone."
"Come on Nissa, you know better than that." the voice in her mind taunted "You'll never be happy because-"
"Shut up..."
"You waste your time making everyone one else happy. You go through hell and back just to make your precious friends happy. Then what happens? They're happy and they toss you aside. They don't need you anymore, and you end up alone."
"Stop it..."
A strained, muffled cry was heard from her shaking frame. The voice laughed softly and echoed in her mind.
"They'd always promise to choose you over any guy..."
"Shut up!" Nissa shouted
She cried harder and reached up to cover her ears. She shook her head trying to drown out the taunting voice in her head. After two hours of sobbing all that was heard were small whimpers. Nissa laid still in her bed unable to move. The only light was from her small tv that was playing a movie. Her body was numb yet she could still feel the throbbing pain each time she took a breath. Her head rested on the pillow she had cried on and was now stained with tears.
"Is it okay if I just don't wake up tomorrow?" she thought "I really can't handle this anymore..."
Nissa stared blankly forward at her wall that was covered with pictures of her and her friends. Tears continued to stream down her face, yet there was nothing she could do to stop them. She then let her empty gaze slide down to her fingers that were clutching the sheets next to her face. Blinking in confusion she let her muscles relax and her fingers finally released the bunched up fabric.
"Maybe If I just close my eyes and hope..." she thought "I'll just forget about everything that I care about."
Nissa felt her eyes start to fall and her focus started to shift in and out. She took a deep breath and winced at the pain.
"That way nothing would ever be able to hurt me anymore." she whispered weakly
Without another thought Nissa's eyes closed and she finally slipped into complete darkness.
 Kanato · Fri Dec 31, 2010 @ 05:38am · 0 Comments |
