For some reason I am scared to grow up it's like a burning feeling in my heart...Things about life i am not ready to face...I know he loves me and i know he wants this big family sort of life but when i think abou tit all i get is stressed and start to have these emotional feelings... But i am nervous about..: 1. Driving-I am the kind of person who doesn't want to drive i don't have anything a permit...No license because you need a permit to have a license I don't think i wanna ever drive but then will i be disabled.How will i ever leave??...
2.Sex- HAHAH that is more scary than anything...to talk about...For me anyways knowing me i am just happy with or without doing it..but it is more like i can't see me doing it...I dunno what i mean anymore...I my body and i hate me...I can't do what other girls can...
3.Jobs/Owning- I can picture owning a house but not bymyself..I never had a job before Not good at getting one but i only filled out 2 applications everything else had enough people...it has to be walking distance...I wanna have some sort of job
4.College- Heres an easy problem that might never happen for me...I would love to go to college because i wanna be a Graphics Designer...Like something with the computer...I love computers maybe not as much as Kyle but I still love them...Without it..I would be mentally disable...I can't pay for college...It makes me wonder will i ever go...Does he want me to go?..
5.Marriage- This is the easiest thing ever to talk about...I wanna get married I really do...But no till i am older maybe like 24 or 25...I dunno if he is gonna accept that or not but i don't wanna rush...
6.Babies- For some reason this is gonna be my fighting subject...I am afraid of sex now...I guess am exspected to have kids...but to be honest...I hate kids...They are cute sometimes and i love to talk to them..lol when they are potty trained...But i don't think i will never be a career mom..I am not like other girls...I don't wanna a big family..I will never be a good mother...I know i wouldn't be...
I am only 16...17 next month What do i do....I never exspected to be loved and having to think about the future... Do you think he will understand... Please do my love!
VictorianFilth · Mon Apr 03, 2006 @ 01:40pm · 11 Comments |