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	Niatsu's Journal God's watching me with his blind eye
	Niatsu's Journal God's watching me with his blind eye

	Relapse
	Relapse


I relapsed far beyond where I was. I thought I was doing well, but right now I'm worse than where I began. I can not be in the same room with her without wanting to kiss and I will not. I feel like my soul is dragging my body towards her. Towards a dead end. I know you don't need another person to survive.. but it doesn't feel like it right now. I want to be ok... no I don't... I want to be with her. I can't keep posting about you. I can't keep wanting you and needing you. I can't keep dreaming of you. I can't see your eyes when I close mine anymore. I don't even like blue eyes, but I get lost in yours. I can not stop loving you like a flick of a switch. She does not want me. niatsu · Sat Feb 25, 2012 @ 03:04am · 3 Comments


niatsu Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [05/07/19 08:39am] [07/03/17 10:12am] [04/11/16 01:04am] [01/08/16 02:40am] [08/13/15 08:15am] [07/07/15 11:02pm] [03/20/15 07:47am] [03/13/15 02:24pm] [02/04/15 11:14pm] [12/12/14 03:28am]

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]


	What I always secretly wanted was for the woman, I am clearly in love with at the time, to seek me out... I don't know, I think I've seen too many movies, but maybe tell me they always missed.. kiss me? I never clearly defined my fantasy, but that's what it is. I don't want to hear you missed me in a message, I want to see how much you missed me. Clearly haven't missed me enough if you can go to a bed with another(Maybe there's nothing to miss, but I am working on myself and thus that). I want to hear it without saying it first. If the right person did that, my heart would melt and I would be defenseless. I think this fantasy of mine is hypocritical, because I don't know I would not have the courage to do it. Because of my gender, the chance is that I will come off as overbearing, unable to let go, and little psycho. Fantasies are full of crap. Thank you written word for helping me see the fallacies of my mind. These are directions dumbass. Offline niatsu · Community Member · Tue Feb 28, 2012 @ 01:49am


	Also how common is your name. Jesus, Ghandi, whatever.. stop being a jerk. Thank you. One more thing. I never mention the obsessive behavior that arose in me, it's there but I didn't like it one bit. I don't want to be a stalker, how could I like myself? The person doesn't like you.. move on. Offline niatsu · Community Member · Wed Feb 29, 2012 @ 06:15pm


	I'm glad I cut all ties, because I would be making an a of myself. Especially in a middle of the night waking up from a dream. Being objective... clearly cared for others more than me. Being me... I don't want to believe that and sweet honey of denial tempts me. The more girls I meet the more disappointed I become and I feel like it's in fact it's worsening my condition. Offline niatsu** · Community Member · Tue Mar 06, 2012 @ 03:55pm

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]

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