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Desperate Times Call For Desperate People. |
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I've got to come up with something to sort things out. Stuff hasn't been going well the past few days, and I'm about to throw in the towel. Sombody get me off this roller coaster called life!! xp
Yesterday I got the cold shoulder from my parents all day, unless they had chores for me to do. I was happy though, Kelly went out to Saver's to buy me some clothes for work, but I only have two different shirts and one of them I hate because it's a bright red-orange, the other one is fine. I guess I'm going to be wearing that one a lot. Until I can scrounge up some cash for new clothes. She got me the wrong pant size, so we went back and I found my own stuff. She found this new little bicycle she wanted Sophia to have, and I thought again about my monetary predicament and wondered how we were holding out so badly but Sophia kept getting toy after toy after toy.
While I set up my work stuff for Wednesday, I got a call from my brother John, which was a welcome wagon and an escape to the outside world at the same time. He wanted to know what's been going on, and once again I realized he called us again when we never take the time to bother him at all. This made me feel like s**t, because he must get lonely and miss us, but I knew if he stayed here more than a couple of days he'd get back to his apartment on his hands if he had to.
It was nice to hear him say how crazy he thought the whole day-care idea Kelly has planned as her new source of income sounds, and to be honest, I've never been fond of the idea myself, but of course I'd never say it to her face, I just kept telling him I could care less what they do nowadays since I'll be gone 90% of the day because of either school or work, as long as these bratty children stay out of my room, they can drive he crazy and she can realize how tough it's going to be. My dad of course won't say anything bad about the whole thing either but I have a feeling he's not excited either.
I told him about my orientation goings-on and I thanked him again for the money he gave me, he gave me a little advice which I took to heart because I know deep down he's just trying to look after me, then he sounded really sad again and mentioned how we never keep in contact with him, or come over to his house once in a while. It made me angry too because he's right and then sometimes I hear my dad say why John never comes over and it makes me wonder how he has the audacity to say that about John. I felt like s**t, so I promised him I'd work something out for the weekend for me to come stay over if I don't have to do anything because of work.
Putting up with everyone else's plans makes me wonder how anyone even feels about my own sometimes, and it pisses me off how much Sophia gets everything she doesn't need and they turn a blind eye to me have the time because I'm supposed to be grown up. Yes, I'll admit I'm totally jealous, I don't care, I want to be jealous of how easy she's going to have life no matter how much my Dad doesn't want her to be rotten. I just know it, she's going to be a diva and everything and she'll treat everyone like crap. And they'll all ask why, and I'll be long gone by then.
Then to top things off, I was at Kalen's today begging him to get off his a** and stop playing XBox 360 to help me find his books he said he would let me borrow. The whole day I just hear constant negativity from him and his dad about how much it's going to suck working and this and this and this. Kalen doesn't even get yelled at for not doing the dishes, which was like the one thing he had to do, he thinks that because he has a job he doesn't have to do anything else around the house, and complains if his mother even asks him to go get groceries, which I ended up doing nearly all by myself because he doesn't know his way around the store.
Then, his sister Elaina comes in from her job in which she gets a ride to and from each and every day asking her parents for money for new school clothes, and when they tell her they'll do it in two weeks, she gets on the phone and bitches to her friend about how her parents are assholes (loud enough so her parents can hear) and whines about how she'll have to go to school in all these ugly old clothes. Then she says that she'll get paid the week of school but it'll only be $400, and that she can't buy s**t with just that. I never went over $150 when I bought clothes, and I never so much as complained, even to myself. Do you see why I get so upset with people when they b***h about such trivial things?
If I ever did any of those things, I wouldn't be able to get out of my bed the next day. I REALLY CAN'T ******** STAND IT SOMETIMES. I'm going to have to work my a** off for everything, and I'm doing my very ******** best to cope with the hardship. Because I know somehow it'll be worth it. Not to mention, a majority of the books Kalen has are out of date, so at this point it'll look like I have to buy new textbooks, which is gonna come out my parents' pocket of course, so now I'm going to at least owe them $700+, and the semester hasn't even started yet, and I'm not even working, not to mention I'll start rent payments when I have a steady paycheck. Good-bye Gaia and/or social life, this place will be dead to me in no time.
I'm trying so hard to not b***h, not complain, not moan or sit around and mope and get through this, but when I see all of this around me, and I see how people can be so ungrateful for things they have, it upsets me so much. I just want to be so overloaded with work and my studies I won't have time to listen or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to get my grades and pay my bills. That's all, a steady rhythm.
Oh, and my Avatar Arena ranking sucks so bad its Chap Stick is d**k flavored. emo
Edible Substance · Wed Aug 23, 2006 @ 08:25am · 0 Comments |
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