|
|
|
It's sad/funny, if I had a car...college would be SO MUCH EASIER! No waiting on the bus, standing for hours...no wasting time aloooone in a SHOP. Wah! I'm always bored to death, lonely, annoyed and anxious. Then when I get home I am instantly perky and ready to just relax all day. But I can't! Theres always some homework assignment....urg..big long ones! I could manage fine with little 15 minute things...but I decided to do art classes that take 2-3 and a half hours!!! ahhHAHHHAHAHAHHH!! I'm crazy. Now....all I need is a JOB to add on to all that. Haha. That'd be the life!
*breathe*
*gasp* So yes....I am always aching for my sweetness, my Tyler. I hate how I get depressed so easily sometimes. I think it's mostly because we are so far apart nowadays for most of the week. Like walking through campus with my bag and all, just knowing he's either at work or school or home. I have the urge to call him during class, just run out of the room and find him and give him the gosh darned biggest hug of my life. The warmth of his body around mine..I love the way his arms feel across my back...they are really somethin' else. And how sometimes he puts his chin over my head...it feels awesome to be safe in his embrace. I can't wait for all of this to be over, like classes....I want to take him to Washington to visit my family and do fun things so bad.
When he lays next to me....he's so serene...so tired...his eyes shut and you can kind of feel him draining into sleep mode. The poor boy. I touch his face, it's so soft and smooth and now it's kinda bristly where his hair grows....I'm keeping an eye on that because theres something incredibly sexy about how it's growing..not like a beard or anything but like....beneath his bottom lip...I didn't know that could be sexy! But you must know..Tyler can make anything sexy...yes he can. He's looking so much older to me...18 years old...and never seems to stop looking tall. I'm so proud of him, I just wish I could be better to him....worlds better, he deserves it. I want to be Tyler's happy girl, a girl he can be darned proud of! *smiles* biggrin biggrin biggrin
I'm a double edged sword. I've only felt more unstable like..once or twice in the past...emotions run high and I'm always fighting for control of my own thoughts. I know something is wrong with me, and I am starting to think I have to get help. I can be so happy, so care free, so easygoing and then the next second, be plagued by the most burdensome of emotions, without much or any provocation. It's getting in the way of being a good girlfriend, a good student and a human being. I hope I'm not developing a disorder, or already have one. I feel so bad for Tyler, I think when this stuff bleeds out, he's the one who gets hurt the most...I don't want to taint what we have because it's beautiful and he's fighting hard. xp sad
Oh, haha...the other day I won a trip to the bahamas. Too bad I can't go and have no money to pay for the taxes and fees. OOH and then yesterday, we were sitting at the dinner table...and we where joking about something and he was laughing with a mouthful of water....and he just like...exploded all over the place..a looong jet of water and ice cream, I think? all over my purse and chicken. AHAHAHA!!. t'was hilariously crazy, never seen him do that before! I'm just glad he didn't do it in my direction. xd xd oh..and we watched Treasure Planet finally, I am glad Tyler liked it, and Contact.....that movie really impacted me....I hope it gave Tyler some sense of awe, the way I felt it....and desire to find out cool stuff about stars! We still need to finish Dawn of the Dead.
Ew....I'm still in my jammies. I got work to do.
But first, I must post songs, like I used to. Songs I like and can relate to.
"Crawling"
[Chorus:] Crawling in my skin These wounds they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming/confusing This lack of self-control I fear is never ending Controlling/I can't seem
[Bridge:] To find myself again My walls are closing in (without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure
[Chorus]
Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me Distracting/reacting Against my will I stand beside my own reflection It's haunting how I can't seem...
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
"Breaking The Habit"
Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room Unless I try to start again
[Bridge:] I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:] I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight
Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than anytime before I had no options left again
[Bridge:] I dont want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:] I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight
[Bridge:] I'll paint it on the walls 'Cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again And this is how it ends
[Chorus:] I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit I’m breaking the habit Tonight
I can't escape this hell So many times I've tried But I'm still caged inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself
Someone if you can see The dark inside of me Noone would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal (this animal x's 2)
I can't escape myself So many times I've lied But there's still rage inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself
Someone if you can see The dark inside of me Noone would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare I can't control myself Somebody wake me from this nightmare I can't escape this cell
This Animal x's 7
Someone if you can see The dark inside of me Noone would ever change this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal I have become Help me believe, It's not the real me Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal I have become.
Falling
You in your shell are you waiting for someone to rescue you from yourself. Don't be disappointed when no one comes.
Don't blame me you didn't get it [3x]
I already told you, that falling is easy its getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem and if you don't believe that you can find a way out you become the problem, become the problem.
You, all alone, are you waiting for someone to make you whole? Can't you see aren't you tired of this dysfunctional routine.
I already told you, that falling is easy its getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem and if you believe that you can find a way out you you solve the problem, solve the problem.
This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS] I love you I've loved you all along And I missed you far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
So far away (So far away) far away for far too long So far away (So far away) For far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know
I wanted I wanted you to stay Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you (I love you) I have loved you all along And I forgive you (and I forgive you) For being away for far too long So keep breathing Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me never let me go Keep breathing Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me never let me go (Keep breathing) Hold on to me never let me go (Keep breathing) Hold on to me never let me go
I know, Tyler, you've been doing everything you can. You're making things better, making it clear to me that I can trust you, your eyes are clear with sincerity. I can see it. I am the one pulling us down, and I've got to fight it...I tried it, I did it, and even if I failed the first time...now I need to live it, I want you happy, I want you free. I know I can't forget, but that isn't what matters, I can forgive, I can seperate past from present....I always want to, I always have, and I will. I don't want to let you down, you deserve the universe my Love! You fill me with light and humor and fun, it's my dark side crawling inside and ruining the conditions you created, I won't let myself sabotage your greatness. You've been trying too hard to feel like you failed, when it's always been me. Live in peace and love, my Tyler, that is what you should have. Never give up on me. crying
TheTyro · Wed Sep 13, 2006 @ 04:40pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|