so, like. . . . jen has been uber tired lately and seems to always be dehydrated. . . . like for instance, waking up really really warm to the point where she cant keep laying down or shell cook to death, despite that the room is like freezing cold. . . . and getting headaches and being really thirsty too. . . . and passing out at random any time she lays down for more than a few minutes. . . . seriously, she puts on a movie on demand or whatever. . . . and about 5 minutes into it, hers eyes get really sleepy and she rolls over and passes out o.0; o, so, about the whole dehydration thingy. . . . today, she drinked lots of water. . . . she had water at lunch. . . . then when she got home she ate a ton of food and drank like 2 full waterbottles. . . . passed out on the couch while watching bloodrayne . . . woke up and drank another couple bottles . . . . WATER MAKES JEN VERY HAPPY
there is something. . . . so amazing about water. . . . and its nearly impossible for jen to explain. . . . but it just works so well with the imagination and the soul and the emotions and images that course through jens mind. . . . as long as jen has water and can be left alone by everyone, jen will be happy. . . .
the parental units have been rather burdensome lately as has the stress of college and all that is involved with that jen is uber stressed out and tends to be getting very depressed at all times of the day usually, jen does not get depressed while around friends but lately its been hitting pretty strong when she is with them she hears them speak of things which she cannot enjoy things that involve leasure time things which she refuses to let herself join in because of the stress of school and college jen just desperately wants to be left alone if it were up to jen jen would take a year off from school but then jen might not go to college jen is not sure about her future right now she only knows of one college she definitely will apply to and shes not completely sure she wants to go there
jen has wonderful daydreams running through her head but she knows that she is the only one that will ever truly know her vision for jen is not good with writing or drawing events. . . . or even images as they appear in her mind. . . . jen fears there is no way she will ever be able to live on her own and be able to do what she wants for a living jens daydreams make her so happy but she cant allow herself to spend time on them
jen shall stop for now for she must go to sleep or work on art she plans on getting up early and at least priming the canvas for her art shes not sure whether she will do it black or light blue or what yet. . . . she has no idea how she is going to approach this piece which is basically why she hasnt started yet she tends to do this alot waiting to the last minute when she must just make a decision and go with it whats worse is tonight was the real last minute since she will get a ton of s**t from the "family" if she doesnt go to dinner for her "cousin"'s b-day so that she can stay home and work on what she said shed have done by now she just desperately wishes that people would lay off her for a while because she stresses herself out enough without others telling her to do something the only thing accomplished by people putting stress on her is her freezing up and completely not wanting to do anything
perhaps this is the real reason why she doesnt want to bother with college? she doesnt have any idea what she wants to do anymore and there is constant stress to make decisions. . . . but all she wants to do is exist. . . .
jen would work on art right this second (she is feeling inspired) however, it is late and her eyes sting. . . . perhaps she can summon this feeling and the images again? NO! Jen wants to see these colors now! she has images in her head she demands to see! but there is no time! is there? there is no energy or actual work ethic. . . . just the image in her mind. . . . why can she not just work? NO! JEN MUST FORCE HERSELF TO WORK NOW! no matter what! jen will go to be at 3 maybe? jen does not wish to bother with her paints and this piece is not meant to be oil pastel confused no other media would fit. . . . unless it were chalk pastel or something, but shed rather not bother with that. . . .
Unni Ineo · Tue Nov 14, 2006 @ 05:45am · 0 Comments |