yet again, the back-to-school blues/stress overload kicks in. . . . all the things i needed to get done for school over break suddenly pop into my head. . . . then the realization that i wont be getting much sleep again and everything will be returning to 'normal'. . . . all the stress. . . . why cant time every really truly stop? i had so much fun the days that i locked myself in my room. . . . but before i knew it, it was time to really worry about getting stuff done. . . . time hadnt stopped my brain had only been put on hold the more times that go by like this the more i wonder what the hell im gonna do about the future theres not really anything i want to do for a living and now i cant say 'i dont know what i want to be when i grow up' because being grown up is gonna happen in just a few months. . . . when ill hafta have a job and go to school
the only thing i really look forward to is moving out not moving in anywhere, but just getting out of here i once thought id love to draw mangas. . . . but i know thats not it either to be perfectly honest, i just want to lay in bed and daydream all day. . . . or sit outside all night making up stories in my mind. . . . i come up with such wonderful images that i cant share with people and really rather wouldnt. . . . selfish i know, but they are just so . . . . amazing to me and i feel like there is no way anyone could ever get the same feeling from them that i do. . . . and thats if i could actually draw them. . . .
and then theres the issue of getting out of bed i had a thought a little bit ago after fighting with rick about something stupid and meaningless again. . . . well, its not even necessarily getting out of bed. . . . its more of coming out of my room each day. . . . anytime i come out, it seems that i end up getting bitched out or arguing or fighting with one of the 'parental units' or getting criticized by the 'bros' why cant anyone just let me be?
i guess that part of that is time issues too since lately all i ever seem to get bitched about is getting stuff done
but it all comes back to people not letting me be. . . .
it seems that my two biggest enemies are 'time' and 'people' or maybe i should quit fighting them? iv been trying but its soooo damn hard and so not who i am
i dont want to move on in time and i dont want to become one of those 'people' i just wish i could be a little kid again
yet another reason to hate holidays all the memories of the few times we mostly got along and then the memories of the few times during those few times that we fought
damnit time and people truly are my enemies even if it is only because i keep fighting
Unni Ineo · Sun Nov 26, 2006 @ 06:14am · 2 Comments |