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I was asked the other day how i felt about it... about her dating him my good freind dating the ex that i still carried a torch for
I told her all i could i dont like it... not one bit, if i could choose, i would have him damned to an eternity in hell for doing something like this when he very well knew that i hated it beyond all else... but, i have no say in things
so, in retalliation, i asked her if she still loved me... She told me what i hope is the truth she loves Justin, but so far, she hasnt gotten the same feeliung with him as she got with me, so her emotions are all screwed up right now... but im not sure if i beleive her, or if i just WANT to beleive her... i miss the times we spent together, and, as of now, we hae both declared, taht we are best freinds, and that will at leats keep us together as freinds untill they brake up.
we still spend time together, and all the tension has been re-broke, so hanging out is fine again, but i still wish beyond all else...
and waiting is just tairing up my soul, i know it may seem like im obsessing, but im not, im just in love, and most of you people out there who feel as strongly about someone as i do would feel the same.
but, now i wish taht I would die as well, because, this has taught me a very important lession
I am a mortal, i am succumable to pain, pleasure, anger, sorrow, and insanity, i am succamable to any and all problems and illnesses, but, just like me they are mortal... and without me to feed on they die and all my emotions, all my problems, all my illnesses, are all gone, so Death solves everything, it may destroy me, and it may destroy the good things that are in me, but it also innihailates the bad, which is what makes it so tempting... but suicide is wrong, so i need someone else to kill me, and no matter how much they say they wil or they jokingly say they will, or they threaten, or say they want to it wont happen so the pain is eternal, which is another reason why i cant die, because, pain, being as mortal as i am, means that it, bgeing an emotion, just proves i am still alive, you only truely feel when you bleed, for this reason, because Pain is the only true thing to show your alive, so if my pain is eternal, then Death, for me, shall never ever come...
Pain keeps me alive, so i will leave you to hurt for another day...
Drakel Darkheart · Sat Oct 09, 2004 @ 06:50pm · 0 Comments |
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