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Hello Journal, I chanced upon you while cleaning Ethan's house the other day... You were all clean and crisp, without a single bit of writing on any of the pages. I'm sure I should have asked him if I could use you, but I'm sure it won't be all that bad if I keep you in secret. After all, no one is supposed to read this but me... right?

First of all, I should inform you of what's happened to me since Gregory and I left our home with our mother, due to Vincent's death. The departure was very unplanned, though I don't blame Gregory for it. After our little brother died, I don't think either of us had an anchor to stay, and I wasn't going to let him leave without me... I was hoping to make a life with him, and for him to admit his love for me as I have felt for him for so long... but things didn't exactly go as such, and I ended up getting rather hurt.

Once we left, we were completely on our own. We lived in the streets, but Gregory was sweet enough to make sure we had at least a little food every night... I know it wasn't much, but it was the best he could do, and even if he had to steal it, it at least kept us alive for a little bit longer. There were some nights I don't remember... and I'm still trying to recall the events of them. If I was having trouble sleeping, he would ask someone for a bit of gin, or something of the like, to get me drunk and ease me into sleep no matter what the weather. It was sweet of him, but I suppose I'm what you would call a light weight... It was very easy for me to black out, but it made nights that much better, because I didn't have to live with the discomfort.

After a long while, I'm not sure how many weeks or months passed, when it came down to it, I forgot the days. Finally though, Gregory was offered a job. He had been working here and there to make ends meet for us... I thought he was going to take me with him on this adventure that he kept speaking of that was going to get us money, and give me a place to stay. But in the end... he left. It was night, I believe, when he did. And when I woke up, he was gone.

Knowing that he had actually left without me was heartbreaking. I know that I cried for at least a week, hoping he would come back. Perhaps it was more, perhaps it was less, I don't remember. Soon though, I knew I needed to take care of myself. I must have traveled dozens of towns, or maybe it was only a few, until I was directed towards a promising job position at the home of an inventor, who I soon came to know as Ethan Viri. Upon my arrival, I begged him to take me in. I was hungry, and I was desperate, so he let me stay... perhaps out of pity, or because he really needed me. I don't know... but that night, I got my first full meal, and he gave me a bed to sleep in.

Over the next few days, I not only got to know Ethan better, but I must admit... I began to fall for him as well. He's one of those cordial men, who at the same time is eager to learn as much as he is eager to teach. He's kind hearted and sweet, with a wonderful smile and a way of making me feel needed... Sadly, my love for Gregory has not faded, though Ethan is an ample replacement... if not even better than my first love.

It feels like the time slowed down around us, giving us every single moment together. I cleaned his home, which it was in desperate need of. I organized his many unfinished inventions and set myself into a role of cooking and cleaning for him while he spent most of the day in his study. The night I finished cleaning, he came out with the most excitement around him, and it was rather pleasing to see him so happy. He'd made a sort of contraption... a permanent match, and it was beautiful how the object worked. In celebration I made him dinner and dessert, and although I felt more than shy around him, we managed to get through eating our portions with no complaint.

Afterwords, Ethan took me out to look at the stars. He taught me how to read a star map, and I found some of the constellations that were laid out in front of me with the help of a pair of binoculars. In my accomplishment, we got a bit close... and he ended up kissing me... or did I kiss him? It all seems so faint now, the memories placed together, but at the same time, the feelings were so vivid.

I got nervous after that, and I left the hill where we were sitting, going into my room to go to sleep... but after all my nights on the street, the dark scares me, and I ended up going into his room instead...and after he got out of the shower, he found me between his sheets but there wasn't as much shock as there was welcoming. That night was the first night we made love.

I have to go now though, after a long... steamy morning, we're going to the market, and he's waiting for me. If anything happens, I'll be sure to let you know!