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I've had a dream for a long time now, as long as I can remember, of a faint idea. Every night and every day I dream that dream. In my dream I am happy. In my dream nothing and no one can hurt me. In my dream thing are better. When I wake up I realize what a grand dream it was. I wake up and everything is just as it was, and yet one thing is always changing. Things just keep getting worse and the dream becomes ever so much more devious. Some days I wish that i could stop dreaming. Maybe with putting an end to my dreaming thing will not appear as bad off as they are now. Maybe when I stop dreaming things will get better because I no longer care if they do. Maybe dreaming is just another way to slowly kill oneself in a sadomasochistic way.