Oh my god, I can imagine how exhausting this would be. I'm sorry you have to deal with it! D:
I've always had a hard time explaining my OCD in words, even with it being involved in every aspect of my life. Watching shows also feels like an exhausting task for me. I like watching anime with subs (can't go out of my way to watch shows or movies with real people, I only do it if someone else is already watching on tv in the same room I'm in - probably related to OCD as well LOL). So while I'm watching, I constantly find myself having to rewind back to check that I didn't misread something, and sometimes to focus on a part of the scene to be sure that I really saw what I did see, even if I know very well that I did. I also have to explain things to myself, even when I understand them well. Like a character does an action and I pause and keep explaining their motive behind it to myself over and over even though I do know it! The OCD tends to be worse if something that I really liked happened, cause in my head I'll be afraid that it didn't actually happen and I made it all up, so I keep rewinding back over for an even longer time and get stuck there for a while. It also gets pretty bad when something I didn't like happen, for example a character saying one of the words or phrases that trigger me/my OCD. When this happens I'll end up in a cycle of repeating to myself that it's alright/it's simply their opinion/it's relevant in this particular situation and not in *all* situations/etc. I also get really nervous when one of my favorite characters is on-screen. Feels like they're also watching me and it makes me really uncomfortable. I find myself putting their names in strange sentences without my control, while they're watching me. It's crazy!
I'm not sure if I watch anime to enjoy myself, or if I actually mostly do it because I'm so obsessed with my MyAnimeList account having more Completed titles and having each title on my profile with a score next to it LOL.
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I'm not sure if I watch anime to enjoy myself, or if I actually mostly do it because I'm so obsessed with my MyAnimeList account having more Completed titles and having each title on my profile with a score next to it LOL.
Thanks babe!!! heart