About
(≧ ∀ ≦) ☆hiii!!
Tora! Tora! Tora!
Gender: Male
^ᴥ^
"THAT'S ALL THERE IS"
Comments
View All Comments
it's Longest Road by Morgan Page, the grifta dubstep remiix
:3
Unfortunately, I never grew. I'm still 4'11'', give or take an inch, although with my hair I could probably pass for being much taller than that. The thing is, my weight always fluctuates, but to me, I always look the same. There was a time when I was very thin, but unfortunately during that time, I was starving myself and anything I ate, I threw back up. It really was damaging to my pride when people started telling me that I looked so good when I was that thin, and now I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place because when I diet, I see little to no results, and the only time i've ever felt good and thought I was thin and pretty, was when I had two very dangerous eating disorders. It's sick and it's wrong but...my psychology is obviously not all that normal, so it's really hard to deal with. My boyfriend and everyone now seems to think I have a decent enough body, but I'm still disgusted with myself and boy, do I mean disgusted.
Lmao, I got that too. Everyone was always so absolutely stunned when I was so unbelievably nice to people, they always made the mistake of just assuming I was some cruel satanic b***h who'd eat your little sister after she sacrificed her. Obviously, as you know, that couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, I'm not particularly fond of meat. razz
You envy my looks, I envy your attitude. I honestly WISH that I didn't give a damn anymore, but every time a shirt doesn't quite fit or I see a pair of my pants get slightly tighter, my heart breaks all over again. I've been struggling with my weight for so long, and just for once, just once, I'd like to win.
And yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, I wear what makes me happy. I assume my style and fashion sense is considered horrible by most people, but the thing that i've realized is, most people go through their entire lives without fully constructing a solid identity. They just move from place to place, sort of shifting as they go. As for me, I feel like I'm one of the very few people who can look someone in the eye and say 'well, this is me. Deal with it.'. So I think it's that individuality and IDGAF attitude is where the sex appeal comes from. Most women are so self consious and always trying to change who they are, and I feel as if those, the ones that make fun of me, are actually jealouIs because they haven't found out who they really are yet and wish they could.
I often feel as if I'm ugly. My biggest struggle is my weight. Most people around me tell me it's a nonexistant struggle, and that it's virtually all in my head, but I still have a difficult time believing it. It's much like telling an alcoholic that they have a drinking problem. I'm not going to listen to you because I truly believe I don't, or in this case, I do. My mother (god bless her soul) is unfortunately mostly to blame here, but I don't really harbor any ill will towards her. When I was younger i was quite pudgy, and most days I'd come home from school in tears because kids can be so cruel, and she panicked. I know that there is no pain greater, than being a mother who has to watch your child suffer, and know full well that there is absolutely NOTHING, ZERO that you can do about it. So, from a young age, she put me on diet after diet after diet, and the 'constructive criticism' she gave me, was more cruel jabs towards my weight, so I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food, and a horrible fixation on my own weight. I acknowledge, at least, that even if I was emaciated, absolute skin and bones, I probably still wouldn't be happy with myself. IT's a sickness more than it is a healthy interest.
And thank you! My look is all about being a strong person tbh. I do what I want, when I want, and nobody tells me anything else, or they get a swift kick from a four inch platform to their bum! I am the girl that people will remember for a lifetime, and that makes me happy. And honestly, I used to be pretty plain myself, and I can't tell you how LIBERATING it is to look the way I do now. When I look in a mirror, I feel like i'm everything I wanted myself to be (plus or minus a couple of piercings, and maybe I'll change my haircolor on a whim sometimes), but I feel like my personality is FULLY reflected in my style, and that's what I was going for. I am the girl that you will NEVER forget once you get to know, and I think it's pretty hard to forget someone with neon dreads and all the piercings I have. I'm just finally so proud to be able to be me. I held back for so long because I was stuck in a really bad relationship, but the minute I got out, I started changing, for the better. And I have NEVER looked back on any of my changes with any regrets. (except for my weight), I love me.
And that's what I'm going to start doing. I don't know what it is, but I feel very bloated and uncomfortable alot of the time. What I've realized is that I don't eat alot, but what I DO eat, is 'high octane crap', or stuff that has ALOT of calories jammed into teeny tiny bites. So I'm going to cut all that stuff out and hope for the best, and also start getting back to the gym and whatnot. It's been a while, mostly becuase I've been really sick and in pain and unhappy but I recently gained ten pounds and I'm like...SO mad at myself.
The sad part is, girls with larger chests usually reject microdermals, becuase if you think about it, the weight of the breasts are constantly tugging on the skin there. When I take off my bra, and my breasts sag under their own weight, they start to actually ache a little bit (they are new, I know, but more than they would if I still had a bra on) because the weight of my breasts are pulling the skin downward and sort of stretching it out, if you will. That's why alot more skinny girls have them, because theirs don't reject all that easily. However, I'm almost always wearing a bra because I'm pretty sure my back would break in half if I didn't, so I'm not in all that much trouble.
And I'm chubby. I think I'd rather be skinny and flat than chubby though, but that's just becuase I have an incredibly unhealthy and distorted body image that needs alot of work. I don't think very highly of myself.
I love clavacle piercings, but I couldn't imagine getting a microdermal there. My neck and stuff is just so terribly sensitive. I mean, not that my chest isn't, but I won't even wear t-shirts most of the time because I feel restricted and uncomfortable, let alone having something jammed in there. I mean, I love the way they look on other people, they're just not for me.
I'd be careful with nape stuff. From what I hear, they tend to get in the way alot.
And I like arm piercings. I was thinking about getting one, since I like the look of jewelry, but I never wear any. I think it'd get in the way of my job though. (I pack cars for DHL. God forbid a 40 lb package falls on my arm, ow, ow, OW.)
And that does my confidence good. I got involuntarily picdropped in the gd today and got alot of s**t for my piercings, rofl.
And I'm EXTREMELY pleased with it. It was kind of funny how he figured out the placement. He had me smoosh my boobs together, and he figured that line was the 'center' of where my cleavage was, and that's where it should be, and as you can see, he was right. I love how the bottom one is like DIRECTLY where my cleavage starts too. I think it's nice for a curvier girl to get them, as opposed to all the skinny girls I see with them. Got nothing against them, but it's a whole different look.
The strange feeling is just pressure. It feels like someone is pushing down on a small portion of your chest, but you can feel that INSIDE of you, it's hard to explain but I've never felt anything like it.
And of course! Piercings are my passion, as is making new friends. I've always got something good to say, so regardless of whether you need peircing advice or not, your comments are always welcome. smile
Also, here you go. This is what I look like, and as you can see, they're placed on my chest as well.
I haven't bothered with a closeup yet, as there's kind of a strange-looking red ring around them, but that's pretty normal. I find it odd that there isn't MORE irritation, actually.
They were strange to say the least. They definitely hurt, but it was a different kind of hurt, NOTHING like a piercing.
The strange thing is though, I only got them yesterday, and they feel absolutely fine now.
They hurt when you touch them, but there was little to no bruising or swelling, which was kind of cool.
And no problem, piercings are my bread and butter. They're my joy above all my other joys, body mods that is. I always love to share when I can.
And I certainly will! I probably won't get them this weekend because it's christmas, and I don't know if they're open the weekend after that, but probably the following weekend.
I'm excited to be honest.
I'm not scared in the least, it really helps if you have a good piercer, and mine is a sweetheart and surprisingly gentle for someone who's job is stabbing holes through people's skin, haha.
Surface piercings are alot more prone to rejection because of the fact that it's much easier for your body to push out since it's a flat surface. It's the path of least resistance. If you think about a lip piercing, it would be ALOT of work for your body to shove it out through your lip, so instead, it usually heals in a fistula (which is what you want a successful piercing to be). When you think of a shallow surface piercing, you can kind of see how easy it would be for your body to go 'Uhh, NO' and get rid of it by migrating it outward. You can think of it sort of like a splinter. Your body pushes it out because it's a foreign object. Piercings are virtually the same, and it's easy for a body to push out surface piercings.
The five years thing is a crock. It depends on the person, although most surface piercings don't last a year, let alone five.
I know what dermal anchors are! I was supposed to get them this weekend, but I've been very sick all week, and you're really not supposed to get any sort of piercing when you're ill, it hurts the chances of healing by default.
I always wanted a clavacle (the place like almost between your breasts, i think, I don't know if clavacle is the right name) piercing really bad, and in the end, I decided on dermal anchors instead because it can give the effect of a surface piercing without all the trouble of rejection. I can promise to report back to you in full about my experience, although from what I hear, it's really not all that bad. It sounds more painful because of the fact that it's an implant and not a traditional piercing, but from what I hear, it's about the same as a piercing, if not, less painful.
Infections are gross, but that's the importance of good aftercare, it's a preventative measure, not a measure to fix what happens when you do shitty aftercare.
Also, getting more than one isn't so much about infection I don't think, as it is about the piercings rejecting. It's quite uncommon for lip piercings to reject or migrate, it's almost unheard of (to me anyways), but at the same time, better safe than sorry with a huge scar on your face due to rejection.