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Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a place where I can say something like I want to. Sometimes a feeling wells up inside of you and you just want to scream from a mountain top so that everyone can hear you... and yet no one can understand the words. I know that while this entry is online, no one will see it. It's sort of the same thing.

I hate myself so much that just that fact alone makes me hate myself even more. Hate hate hate hate hate. I am SO annoying. Everything I do is annoying. How can I possibly live with myself when I do such annoying things? What in the world. Is there anyone else in the world who is just as annoyed by themselves? I doubt it. I'm so damn annoyed. I can't even explain it. Everything I do grates on my nerves. How is that possible? You'd think that if something annoyed me I'd stop. You'd think so... but it seems like no matter WHAT I do I am annoyed. The way I talk, the way I look, the way I move, the way I walk. The way I think, what I say, how I say it, the expressions I make. What I feel. I just hate it. As though none of this were mine. That's how annoying it is. I woke up suddenly some place strange and utterly annoying and unable to change. "What's all this now???" It's utterly frustrating. It's almost as though I were covered with the essential oil of frustration.