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Tuesday, May 29th.

Got a phonecall from my boss telling me to stay home since the chocolate machine was busted, so I got an extra day off since production is halted, and he already had his kitchen workers to help him with cleaning (since they're paid an hourly wage rather than by contract $/tablet for us wrappers.).

Of course, my family doesn't see this as a random day off, and instead start getting on my case for not working that day. Wtf? It's not like I /chose/ for the machine to break down. Geez. :/ I mean, suuuuuuure, I'm gonna go and sabotage my only source of income. Right mom.

So instead, Nonna, decides to boss me around all day instead. My apologies to the people I was talking to on MSN during the day who probably noticed I had to keep going AFK all the time because she wanted me to do something. =_= For non-italians reading this, Nonna is basically "grandmother" in italian, and we've taken to calling my mom's parents Nonna and Nonno ("grandfather" wink out of respect for their roots.

Normally I don't mind at all being helpful with things, but dear god this woman's being exceptionnaly bitchy, which comes off as rude to me considering she's pretty much squatting our house. :/ She's been here for two weeks already, and considering the amount of medication she brought and decided to dump in the back of the fridge, I'd say she's here for another, like, month or so? Ugh.

Also, I'm really getting tired of being bitched at for money. Seriously. I keep getting yelled at for not working 40 hours a week when there is no such thing as 40 hour/week jobs in this godforsaken town, and on top of that they're trying to pass all their bills on me. For the relatively short time I've stayed in apartments, I've gotten used to feeding myself (and my cat) for an entire week on barely 15-20$. Anything more was giving myself a treat. Mom and Nonna managd to spend THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS (300$) on Sunday for ONE week. Yeah sure, 6 people. But dear god. I mean, it's not THAT bad, it means we're eating good, variety and all, but...

...two days later she sends me into town to get 40$ more stuff... for one meal. ONE MEAL. o_O

Good lord she wouldn't eat her damn rice if she didn't have her chicken-flavoured Bovril sauce and fresh imported parmesan. Then she whines that my sister doesn't want to eat green peppers when she eats red peppers. >_>;

...and then I get bitched at for eating everyone's leftovers? Gah. 20 minutes or so after I came back with those 40$ of groceries she sent me to get for that ONE meal, dad comes home with 20-25$ worth of cigarettes and beer. Of course, he does that every two/three days, and NO ONE ELSE touches his beer of cigarettes.

********, is it just me or do these people not know how to manage money when in debt? <_<

Wednesday, May 30th.

Soooo toda I had work. When my alarm clock rang I just slapped the off button and went back to bed. Too much family stress, needed more me/sleep time. Blah.

Got up around 7-ish and didn't really have time to do much. I pretty much just got into a change of clothes and swapped the songs on my MP3 Player for work and broguth myself a minimalistic lunch. The lady carpooling me didn't mind stopping at the gas station on the way, so I picked up a soda inside for the day.

Work was al good. I was working aluminum foil wraps all day, and I think they all got a laugh of me bobbing my head to the music while working.
(they said they did when we got to lunch break anyways)

I'm honestly glad my boss lets me listen to music on the job. Normally we wear earplugs due to the kitchen machines being obnoxiously loud, so it doesn't matter much that I just wear earphones instead, either way we have to tap eachother on the shoulders and unplug our ears to talk (read: yell) for communications sake. XP

Anyways, it's been doing wonders to help me relax. Also helps for production, since I tend to pick up the beat of the music, so I speed up whenever I hit DragonForce. >_>;

Given my boss works part-time as a psych I've been thinking of asking him if it'd be possible to meet him in that context to talk about issues bugging me, but I've been hesitant since, well, it'd honestly be odd seing him out of the workshop.

Blegh. By the time the workday ended I joked about wanting to work some more, didn't feel like going home. They got a laugh out of it, though part of me really meant it. When I actually did get home, first thing I hear isn't "Hi" or "Welcome back" or "How was your day?". Noooo. I get bombarded with things that I should of technically been doing during the day but haven't since I was working. Why gee, thanks, my day was great. Until now.

My sister's homework was a pain in the a** again. She just doesn't listen to me, even though I've often sent her back to school the next day with a note to her teacher about her homework, and everytime she brings it back to me with a note from her teacher telling me I'm right. But, eh, she's 8 years old. I figure it's a phase. There's no way the highschool grauate has any idea how 3rd grade fractions work. :/

By the time I got her to listen to me and got her to understand her questions, I was doing the dishes and asked dad/Nonna if they needed help with dinner. 20 seconds later, no answer, dad just asks "why?". Why? Because I want to go to bed early, since I appreciate my /alone/ time in the morning when everyone else is sleeping and leaving me the ******** alone. You know, peace and quiet. I just told him I want to go to bed early, but still no straight answer.

"Dad, /do/ you need help with dinner?"
"Why the ******** are you pushing dinner so much?"
"I'm just asking if you need help so I can know if I can go to bed!"

What does he do then? No, he didn't give me a straight answer. Instead he decides to take a jab at my personal life and decides to insult me on the fact I used to get up early to talk with Ome after her

"Would you just wait and stay up like everyone else instead of waking up in the middle of the night to talk with your lover off in the middle of nowhere."
(yeah, our town is so much more on the map than ******** Vegas.)

"NO dad, if you'd bother listening to me at least once every now and then you'd have heard me TWO DAYS AGO when I told you we broke up. God.
I just asked if you needed help and you have to attack my love life. Jesus man that's a ******** low blow, even for you."

At that point I just left the kitchen and went to bed.

...only to be woken up barely half an hour later because they need help with dinner. =_=

Apparently my brother offered to do it, and Nonna SPECIFICALLY said I had to help because I don't work enough. WHAT?!
I have a job, I work the hours they give me.
I clean the house, I do the dishes for them, I pay part of their ******** bills, I pay for the room I'm staying in, I do all their damn errands in town and I DON'T WORK ENOUGH?!

Bloody hell. What does my brother do? He comes home from school, jumps on BattleField2 online on his PS2, hogs the phoneline to talk with his friends (read: squad) and does his homework at the last minute, AKA 2am in the morning. And hell, I'm grateful that he even offered to do it, but no. It /had/ to be me.

After dinner I did the dishes /again/. Cleaned up the counter for them. Put everything away.

Not a single "Thank you". Nothing. Nada. Nein.
I went back to bed.

I wake up barely 2 hours later at 9-ish because they're shuffling all furniture upstairs for some reason (right above my room) and I could hear mom yelling again, though I'm not sure on what honestly. o.O
I didn't bother checking what the heck was going on, and just stuck a pillow over my head in hopes of not hearing them as much.

2 hours later again I wake up because my brother waltzes into my room and starts making a blasted racket looking for something on the internet on /my computer/, yammering on the phone with one of his school friends / BF2 teammates.
What the hell? What happened to common sense/courtesy?
I was trying to sleep!
Not on the living room couch. Not in his room. In MY room.

Been up since then, couldn't sleep anymore.
Ugh at this point I'm just staying up. I'll grab a can of Monster for work tomorrow/later. =_=;;

And yeah, on a side note, I broke off from the relationship. My relationship used to be my anchor in life and for a while it was something else I could look forward to other than videogames to take my mind off my problems when I'd get home and have to deal with the same s**t over and over again with family.

Granted people change over time, and I couldn't for sure say I've changed for better or worse, but all I know is that I don't get the same feeling of security I used to with Ome. Either way it doesn't matter. By the time Saeri got with us, Ome and I had grown distant, probably because I stopped confiding in her since I didn't want to burden her with my own problems anymore, and apparently she was biting the bullet all along trying to not burden me with things that bothered her. In the month or so Sae's been with us, I've seen Ome happier than she's been with me for a long time, and the two of them connected in the way I used to connect to Ome before we grew distant.

For all the times Ome's made sacrifices to make me happy, I'm doing the same for her now, with something else than just sporadic art. I broke off and let them being a couple together. They intended to move in together soon, so as far as I know, together they'll get the /in person/ relationship I could never offer to Ome. (or at least, not before quite a few years due to being stuck up here for transitory issues.)

I honestly feel no remorse or regrets for my decision on the matter. Things had gotten pretty bad by the time I decided to end it, and getting home dealing with my family bitching over my sleep schedule and generally being a pain in the a**, the last thing I needed (or Ome either for that matter) is arguing and more problems among lovers.

Sad to say I left her on a bad note and blocked her when I did because I was expecting what she emailed me later, (half guilt trip, half trying to tell me how I should act).

I've already unblocked her for 2 or 3 days now, but she's never spoken to me. As far as I know either she's A) mad at me, which I wouldn't hold against her, B) blocked me (I wouldn't think so since I still see her online) or...
C) maybe I really wasn't that much of a lover, and not worth trying to pursue. My logic could be flawed, but I figured if I really was any good as a friend/lover, she would have tried to get in contact again since.

Ah well. At this point I figure it doesn't matter anymore. I just hope she's happy with Saeri.

Someone pointed out that at this point I could just pick things up with Cait and/or Tom again, but even though I'm still really close to them, I rather just wait and not make things official until I've gotten a little more stability in my life.

You know, just one week of not having to worry about relationship drama or work or bills or family being assholes or whatever would really hit the spot.

But I doubt that's going to happen soon, so I might as well make good use of the next... 6 hours I have before my next workshift. Speaking of which, I might get to start working in the kitchens tomorrow depending on how many people can show up. ~ ^^

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