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I feel really guilty right now, and I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever!
yeah.. the greatest thing ever! >.>;; emo
I feel like s**t! the only thing I would want to do now is crying!
but hey! stupid me! I can't cry! I feel like I'm a ******** robot or something! I can't even cry! no emotion but sadness right now,
I just can't believe it! I'm like totally broken right now! I mean like I dreamd I was holding him tonight...then I wake up, no him... so I got downstairs and turned up the computor...

so here I am...
writing my sadness..
about what happened last night,
started out so right,
ended up so wrong,
I know what you were thinking,
you slut, go home, goodnight and so long!
there you ran away,
from me from evrething,
if I wouldn't be searching for you, you would have left.
I was almost crying, I had to get on stage soon
you weren't there this time, cheering for me
I was alone, for the first time..
and you did do nothing,
you left me behind
no..I understand.. I know
I'm not important, yeah I am a ******** ho
a slut? really I didn't know!
I would want to run away, but my performance is soon
so I said I'm going inside
my best friend.. god, she was right!
she tried her hardest to cheer him up,
sadly it didn't work..
I really screwded up this time..
I'm such a jerk!
so I cut myself. again,
in my wrist and arm
next day he says, you shouldn't do yourself any harm,
did it matter?
five minutes later you started crying and shouting
I felt like in a trap
no way to escape
I could have run away
but I stayed
I hit my head against a light
several times
but felt no pain
I looked up, hoping you had still remained
but I didnt see you standing at the soccergoal..
I looked around searching for that face,
I saw you walking
to my side, why?
right at that moment I wanted to die
so I hit my head at that light again
you started hugging me, why?
I didn't move, not a finger, cause I wanted to die
then you started crying again, saying things that make me cry
now it's official I want to die
you pull your arms around me
I never cried..
you look at me
and inside I died
stop staring! I wanted to shout
I didn't, atleast not out loud
you're still holding me why?
I'm a slut
who wants to die
to do no harm
who wants to cry
but doesnt know how
yes I'm the slut,
who makes you cry
your stupid girlfriend,
how long that may take..
but maybe someday
you're gonna be the one that saves me
from myself or any other
so I hold you close
it's true
I really love him.