Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

okay. here it is. my "problems at hand": steph and reed dated. key word: dated. michael and i dated. TOTAL key ,and if u forget it i will KILL UR GUTS, word: dated. I confided in reed, while my best friend who is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS there for me, confided in michael. Problems accured and everyone believed i liked reed, and my AWESOME friend, liked michael. We got mad at eachother for "likeing" or ex-es. (that was totally a GINORMOUS B*tch F*t) We grew apart. We forgave. And then we were fine. Until now. Reed has shown me (made it VERY clear) that he likes me. I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE HIM!!!!!! Y IS THAT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD 4 EVERY1 2 BELIEVE?????? I really don't know. Major factors in my decision will conclude as follows:
1. IF Steph would be mad=( 40%)
2. IF Steph would be mad=(40%)
3. WHAT Mr.Steck's advice is=(9%)
4.WHAT MS.Kristi's advice is=(7%)
5. IF Reed was nice and stuff=(3%)
6. IF I actually liked him=(1%)



It all depends on the above. If Steph says it even makes her feel the SLIGHTEST bit mad. I will atomatically tell Reed no. And as you have probably noticed that I only put 1% 4 myself. I really don't care much about myself.

OKAY, time 4 the next matter on my mind: Sarah.

Sarah had a BF. Key word THERE: had. Eric. He was nice to her 4 a little bit but then he got mean. She broke up with him and now he is an *ssh*l* 2 her ALL THE TIME. She is kinda sad. (& I've known her 4 a LONG LONG time. It is EXTRIMELEY hard 2 make her mad.) And then a stupid rumor went around her school about her sister so people would make fun of her at school, then, she would het herassed by her sister at home. Also people were already making fun of her at school (thats why she is moving schools, and almost went 2 courtyard except her mom thought it would be 2 "clique" wink AND, 2 make matter worse, when certain friends from her school get mad at her, they tell the WHOLE park terrace about the stupid rumor about her sister and then her sister gets mad at her.



I NEED someone whom I can trust, is not mad at me, and is not judgemental. I don't know y i think this but i have this growing thing (almost a fear) that Ms.Kristi is mad at me. Like some1 keeps telling her lies (or maybe not even lies!) to her about me. I always talk 2 Mr.Steck but sometimes he's just not there, or it's just not the time, or i think he will think less of me.

I feel like...... I feel. That's it. I don't feel. I feel nothing right now. Absolutley nothing. Almost like dead person that someone up there forgot about, and was never sent to hevean. And is now condemed 2 a life with nothing. where people can't feel you. Can't hear you. Can't even sense the sorrow flowing from your soul. Or maybe they see you, hear, AND feel you, but instead choose not to pay attention 2 u because they don't want to. Don't want to bother to help another person.

Maybe.

Or maybe I'm thinking this is MUCH 2 big a deal then it really is.

There are people starving, literally starving in Africa and here i sit feeling sorry for myself because i have a few screwed up friends (and feelings) that are bothering me.

Maybe nothing more meaningful has ever happened in my life so i choose 2 think this is pain. Or my friends pain.

Maybe I'm not even looking at their side of the story.

Maybe it's all my fault.

So so so so so so so so so so so so so many frickin' maybes.

F*ck this. I'm gonna buy myself a journal.