Ok... So in less than a week, I'll be turning 18... Yeah, I hate it. Everytime it's getting close to my birthday, I start to feel crappy... I mean, I usually don't tell anybody when my Birthday is... I mostly tell them I am a "Test Tube Baby". And in some cases (Krissy), they believe me. Until they ask my mom...
But that's not the point... I just feel so lonely right now... My Birthday is a couple days away, I leave for boot camp in less than 90 days, I won't be home for four months and I won't be able to talk to my loved ones, I'll barely have time to write to anyone... I don't go well with people, so I won't have any friends there. I'll always get smoked because nobody will want to be my battle buddy, and it's juust going to be utter hell... And when I get back, everybody will be gone... College, or just gone away from "lovely" Ohio... I'm terrified of going away, but I don't have much choice anymore... And what's worse is as soon as I get back, I'll have to ship again for my AIT Training... That is, unless they send me to Iraq... My unit is being deployed right around the time I get back... The 1st Sgt. said the people I was with, the current white/light blue phase wouldn't be going... But Pvt. Young, in my unit, said he is going... And h's the one whose going to be taking care of me... So what if I go...? I can't kill anybody... And it's kill or be killed... I'm not ready to die there... And, I'm forgettable... If I die there, nobody would remember to bring my body home... And I'd be alone forever... "Never leave a fallen comrade." But what if they forget...? I don't want to be alone... Not there... Not until the end of time itself... I just don't want to be alone...
But that's not the point... I just feel so lonely right now... My Birthday is a couple days away, I leave for boot camp in less than 90 days, I won't be home for four months and I won't be able to talk to my loved ones, I'll barely have time to write to anyone... I don't go well with people, so I won't have any friends there. I'll always get smoked because nobody will want to be my battle buddy, and it's juust going to be utter hell... And when I get back, everybody will be gone... College, or just gone away from "lovely" Ohio... I'm terrified of going away, but I don't have much choice anymore... And what's worse is as soon as I get back, I'll have to ship again for my AIT Training... That is, unless they send me to Iraq... My unit is being deployed right around the time I get back... The 1st Sgt. said the people I was with, the current white/light blue phase wouldn't be going... But Pvt. Young, in my unit, said he is going... And h's the one whose going to be taking care of me... So what if I go...? I can't kill anybody... And it's kill or be killed... I'm not ready to die there... And, I'm forgettable... If I die there, nobody would remember to bring my body home... And I'd be alone forever... "Never leave a fallen comrade." But what if they forget...? I don't want to be alone... Not there... Not until the end of time itself... I just don't want to be alone...
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I hope you'll be ok...
I'll pray for you every day.
Even though I don't much believe in God anymore....
I wish that you weren't going.....
Such a pointless thing that this "war" is.
I dunno what to say...
I'm going to miss you.
I already do...
Since the day you had to leave....
I love you Tiffy, and I always will.