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So, I was reading 2 Chronicles at 12:30 am.. (technically would be July 5th XD)
and I was thinking.. God KNEW that Solomon would slope downhill into sin, why didn't he do anything? Then it hit me, God does know everything that happens ahead of time since he is not bound by time like us. So? Why does such and such happen to me? Why do I worry? Why do I have this problem? Because something bad happens then something good happens. It's a continuous cycle, God could just warn you ahead of times or say "Don't step there!" but then that may change something even greater. It's like going back in time, if you were to change any little thing, something horrible could happen because of that tiny change. God must see it that way, our lives I mean. It's so easy to blame God when we have problems.. or say "Why me?!" Life feels like crap most of the time, I think it's because we tend to focus on the bad things in life. I picture guilt in my mind more than I do happy times. Embarassment.. it comes back to me, and then I start making weird faces like.. it'll never happen again! I should have done this! No!! This! To think I still have a bit of my old self with me, I thought for sure I came out of my shell. But that's normal, lately I've been doing fine. Mess up? Say something wrong? Forget it. Life's too short to dwell on idiotness. I act like a dork sometimes, I act braindead sometimes.. that only shows I'm human. To mention a friend who always dwelt on my mistakes.. she is finally gone from my life and I feel a peace within myself. I've been reading my bible more, focusing on Godly things and haven't been that negative because of it. It's amazing how others can corrupt your mind, turn you sour when you weren't before. I rather Jesus "corrupt" or rather, engulf my mind instead, that I'd have the words for what really matters: spreading the truth. Since I've been in a christian guild on here, I've seen everything from people switching to agnostic over christianity sects to arguements about everything. I just pray that I have the words to sound intelligent, that people trust I know what I'm talking about, or rather what God is talking about. I still have yet to find my gift for God, I think it's either giving or evangelizing.. I know my dream of making christian video games sounds far far off.. but I want it to be real. I want a game without monster boobs or high skirts, without heads being blown off and a great game that will be successful secularly as well as non. Almost like Legend of Zelda, but with the bible as a focus, or Jesus as the focus. I never see things about angels, angels are SO awesome. It's always demons in anime, never angels(rarely!) I wonder what angels would really be like.. and if a game will ever be based on Angelic warriors or any sort of that. Hopefully I can make it! Well.. that's enough ranting I think o: Man it was random..