well, it seems like my entries are good news then bad then good. so since my last entry was good, sadly this one isn't.
so...russ was suppose to come visit me over summer break. he was suppose to leave on the 25th and arrive on the 27th. somehow he signed on on the 26th, but never said anything. odd since he was suppose to be on a bus.
anyway...it's the 21st of july and i've still not heard a word from him or about him. i have no idea what happend or what is happening. i'm completely in the dark and going absolutly crazy with worry and depression.
i really just want him to be ok, i don't even care that he never showed up, i just want him to be ok.
my only thought right now is that he is dead...he died and i don't know about it. i'd really like contact from someone...anyone.
i feel like it if his friends can contact me to let me know about his surgery...they would contact me if something bad happend...right? which makes me think that nothing bad has happend....at the same time....this is soooo out of normal for him...which makes me worry that something bad did happen...
i don't know...but i'm so tired of getting abandoned. i open myself up to someone and get abandoned. i hate it...i'm tired of starting over....of getting my hopes up and crushed of having to get over someone then finding someone else and it happens again..i'm tired of this cycle on and offline.
my friend carice told me that she knew that someday i would be with someone that would make me happy...i got upset and signed off because i was already in that kind of relationship.
i would spend the rest of my natural born life with russell, i've never opened up to anyone as much as i did to him. i have, do and will always love him. redface
if he never comes back i will probably leave gaia, because all it does is hurt to sign on and i don't feel like i belong here anymore.
the first bar i ever went to ever even ignores me anymore....heh.
i hope my next entry is something happy instead of a goodbye gaia. cry
~shin
Prince Shinsuke Community Member 
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