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Sunday; July 22, 2007 had to be the most random day of my life.

Around brunch time I hear this odd slapping noise at my window, and I sorta kinda don't want to look because Derek never came home last night, which meant he's either being his dumb under-age drunken self, or he stayed over at his friend's house, or both. So needless to say, looking out my window is an adventure all in itself. But the odd smacking didn't stop during the ten minutes I decided to stick my head underneath my pillow and pretend it wasn't there. I wasn't surprised, Derek was standing outside my window two stories down on top of a tree stump that once used to be a tree until the Floriduh loving hurricanes came about. I was surprised to see a pancake fly into my face however. And it was warm. I would've eaten it, but Derek gave it to me, and I've learned the hard way never to eat things flung at me from Derek. Or flung at me period.

What the hell are you doing?
I forgot my keys can you let me in?

Later he told me he threw pancakes thinking that I might not be as angry at him if he bribed me with food. They were iHop pancakes, which made me sad because I had thrown them into a tree and they now rest in the stomach of happy squirrels. Now they'll never leave since they know we have pancakes growing in our trees.

Now around lunch time, I'm watching the Price Is Right and Derek walks in.

Oh man! I love this show!... Too bad about the host.
What, his retirement?
Well duh, you kind of have to retire after you die.
Derek.. he's still alive...
NO WAY!

I concluded that he watched too much Dane Cook and his theory on how the host of the Price Is Right is dead, but they've preserved him somehow and have him on strings. There's no other way Derek would think he was dead; he's three years older than me... although not the brightest I'll admit.

Then around dinner time, Derek's trying to teach me how to cook so that I may become a "good woman towards my man" when I finally wed. I told him I was hoping to live off Ramen, but he didn't find it funny and smacked my head with the spoon >< Then we get into this strange conversation about how I should color my hair like a candy cane since I'm planning on dying it red and bleaching the tips, but Derek told me to make it like the Target sign, or a candy cane. But while we're talking about this, my biggest fear comes crawling along and I see it near the stove and I scream SPIDERSPIDERSPIDER! and wrench the spoon from Derek's hand and start smashing it on the counter. It's a wooden spoon, mind you, so the heat from the stove got too hot for it, and started a small fire. So then Derek starts flipping out screaming FIREFIREFIRE! while I'm still swinging the flaming spoon at the spider and Derek gets a cup of water and misses the spoon, hitting me. Derek gets another cup and I finally smash the spider, relieved and finally realizing that my spoon is on fire and am now freaking out about that, throwing it to the ground, making Derek miss yet again. I run to go get some water too, but I slip on the puddle of water from the other two cups and land on my face. Derek turns, trips over me, and flails the water which by some miracle hits the flaming spoon.

Lessons learned: 1) If you're going to fling pancakes at me, bring syrup. 2) Don't take everything Dane Cook says for granted. 3) Live off Ramen; its safer.