View User's Journal

~*~Chapter One~*~

"Huh? You have a date?" I asked her while I looked at myself in the mirror. A sigh of frustration escaped my mouth as I connected the hooks of my bra together. "This thing is too small now," I mumbled to myself while I pulled a shirt over my head and patted out the wrinkles. I pulled my short, curly, brown hair into a pony-tail and placed a hat on my head. I noticed that Emiko hadn't said anything back to me so I asked, "With who?"

"Jamie." I heard her say in an almost admiring way.

Yeah, Jamie; that show-off son-of-a-b***h that works at her job… Go figure that she'd end up with him, after all, almost every girl was after him, why wouldn't she? She has talked about him for weeks and weeks, saying how cute he was and s**t like that.

I stared at myself in the mirror, noticing how sad my own eyes looked, how dark with disappointment they were. "You mean the guy from your job?" I asked her, forcing myself to sound as excited as she was. Still, I couldn't help but to wonder if she'd notice the sorrow in my eyes that stands out so clearly to me. If she noticed... she might realize how much I didn't want her to be out with that guy . . . or any guy. That would be very bad.

She walked towards me with a dream-like smile on her face. "Yeah, him! Can you believe it?" she asked me as she got behind me and wrapped her arms around my stomach. For that moment... I couldn't even hear her words. Feeling her so close to me, my heart racing so fast, I almost forgot what was going on. "I can't believe he asked me out, Jun! But, oh no!" I suddenly felt her arms disappear from around me; her warmth, her touch, all gone in an instance which brought me back to reality.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, turning around to look at her.

Emiko ran to the closet and began to dig through it, tossing articles of clothing onto the bed. "I've never been on a date before! What do I wear? How should I do my hair? What should I do, Jun? I don't have anything to wear! I have to go buy something today!! Can you please help me?"

I walked over to her and pulled her away from the closet, wrapped my arms around her as I pulled her into a hug. "Don't be silly, of course I'll help you. I'll always help you whenever I can." I told her, noticing how gentle my voice was towards her, only towards her... Ironic how I'm going to help the girl I love prepare for a date with someone else. It was just my luck.

"Thank you, Jun, thank you so much."

Yes, it was just my luck, but to hear her so happy makes it worth the pain.

~*~

"How about this one?" I suggested while I held up a sparkling black dress. Emiko told me that Jamie was taking her to a very fancy restaurant, which means that she had to dress up in something that was appropriate. "I mean... I think it would look good on you," I said. I held the dress against her and tried to visualize her in it. Yes, it would look great on her, and if her hair was pulled up in the back while thin locks of hair was left out to frame her face, she would look gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

"I don't know," she responded, taking the dress from me so she could see herself in the mirror. "Do you think he'll like it? I mean, maybe I should get something that's more… showy?"

Showy? Emiko was not the type to be show off her body, and I wasn't too sure that I could just stand by, letting a guy change her in such a way. After all, she was, in some way, my Emiko, even if we aren't together in the way I would like us to be. Even so, I still have some right in this, don't I?

"I don't think you should try to be something you aren't just to impress someone. Not only is this nice on you but it's you, it suits you, so I don't think you should worry about him not liking that," I paused, stopping myself from going on. This was her first date after all; I didn't want to discourage her, well... that wasn't entirely true. Somewhere in my heart, I really did want to discourage her from this, so she could leave this guy alone; then it would be just me and her again. "Besides," I found myself saying. "He'll love it because he really likes you."

"Really? Do you really think so?" she asked me. I nodded. What more could I do?

The next thing I knew, she was hugging me, thanking me, and I could hear the happiness in her voice once more. That is all that matters, isn't it? Her happiness? So long as she's happy, then I'm happy. That's all that matters. "Are you ready to get your shoes, Emiko?" I felt her nod against my chest, which caused my heart to race and my cheeks to burn. I'm sure I'm blushing... I'm glad she can't see it. "Let's go, Emiko."

~*~

Today was the day... Emiko's first date, which happens to be the big date around here. Jamie's well known and wanted by all the girls. Who would have guessed that her first date would have been with someone who was so popular? I still know that he's a jerk, but then... maybe that's because I'm envious of him. "I guess I shouldn't openly speak badly of him until I know he's a real bad guy," I muttered to myself while waiting for Emiko to finish dressing. She had been in the bathroom for so long, going through all this trouble for him, for Jamie. "Lucky b*****d... doesn't even know how lucky he is," I stated.

I heard the bathroom door open and watched as Emiko came out. "Wow." That was all I could say. She was beautiful... absolutely stunning. Her one inch high heel shoes made us equal in height, something I noticed as she stood in front of me. "Do you think I look o.k.?" Yes, she looked more than o.k., she looked ravishing! Her hair wasn't pulled up, but it was tied into a pony-tail, held by a red bow.

"You look wonderful," I commented, admiring her beauty.

She smiled at me, a great smile filled with joy. That was the smile of hers that I've come to love. "I want you..." I paused, having trouble with finishing the sentence. That's when I realized what I had said, which made my cheeks flush and my heart race with embarrassment. "—to have a good time, yes, I want you to go out there and have a great time. Can you do that for me, Emiko? Can you?—Emiko?"

"I will."

We were both quiet when there was a knock at the door. I smiled at her, noticing her swaying, how she tugged at her dress, and I just knew she was nervous about this. "Everything will go great," I said to her, wrapping my arms around her. "Don't be nervous, Emiko." Her smell the scent that was all over her, it's just like sweet flowers and fresh strawberries. I didn't want to pull away, but the second knock at the door made her break the embrace to rush off to the door. She opened it, a joyful squeak coming from her voice as I felt something being pushed into my arms. "Can you put this in the bedroom?" And with that, she said a quick bye as she closed the door.

"That aroma. . ." I whispered to myself. That wonderful smell... it was from the perfume that I had given her for her birthday a few summers back. On that day, I told her that it was something that she should use on a very special occasion, and she used it today, for the first time in years she actually used it. Suddenly, I noticed what was in my arms. It was a teddy bear that had 'I Love U' sewn on its stomach.

I stared at it blankly as something overwhelmed me, an emotion that quickly consumed my heart and seemed to control my body. My hands began to squeeze the bear that was in my grasp, my nails digging into the fabric as an urge to rip it apart came over me. That's when Emiko came to mind, how happy she had been, how much she seemed to love the gift... "No..." I dropped it immediately. "I... I can't do that to Emiko."

Leaning over, I picked up the bear and retreated into my bedroom, the room I shared with Emiko, and as if the bear was covered in thorns, I threw it onto the bed the moment entered the room. "Stupid thing," I mumbled while walking over to a desk that was inside the room. Sitting down on the chair, I stared at my journal as tears swelled up in my eyes. I quickly pulled it out and began to write in it furiously, writing words that I could never say aloud, writing down feelings I could never share... writing everything within this book.

Emiko's First Date...

Today was the day that she used the perfume I bought her... the perfume that had cost twice as much as the normal perfume, but I got it anyway because I knew she'd love it.

I felt... so much joy that she actually used it... that she was using it for a special occasion, but, a the same time I felt such great pain. The fact that she was using it for him makes me sad. She used it because this date with Jamie is what she thinks of as a special occasion... Somehow, I believed, somewhere in my heart, I truly thought that she would use it for me.

That night that I took her out for dinner at a very expensive restaurant because she got a promotion in her job, the day when I had taken her to a concert for her birthday... when we had gone to the beach to watch the sunset.

We did so many things together but she never once used the perfume on any of those days. Somehow, I'm not special enough to deserve her, but, I guess I'm just being selfish. I have a lot right now, just being with her as much as I do, I should be happy for that.

But, I don't know...

I closed my journal and walked over to the bed, dropping onto it as my energy seemed to drain from my body. "Mmm... this pillow smells like Emiko. It must be her pillow." I turned my head to the side and saw the bear he gave her. I had given her a teddy-bear as well; a stuffed bear that was cuter than the bear Jamie gave her. The bear I gave her was furry and soft while his was rough. I wonder which one she likes better...

"Emiko..." I whispered as tears flowed down my cheek. How I would have given anything to be on a date with her, for her to be excited about going somewhere with me just because we would be together, for her to like me in that way. "I wonder what she would do if she were to see me like this right now..." Closing my eyes, I started to block the tears, not allowing them to fall any more. Emiko would be back in a few hours and I wouldn't want her to find me here crying. I'll just go to sleep to kill time.

~*~

"Jun."

Was that Emiko?... what is she doing back so soon?

"Jun!!"

Hm... She sounds so happy, so excited... I love hearing her say my name like that.

"Jun, where are you?"

I slowly opened my eyes and gazed over to a clock that was on a dresser beside the bed. 12:17 a.m. "Oh, it's only past midnight." Wait, she left out around six o'clock, was she really gone for that long? For a first date, that's a very long time, isn't it? To be out for six hours, there was no way that all they did was stay at a restaurant. "Stupid ******** b*****d," I muttered, cursing about Jamie as I quickly got up and walked over to my journal so that it didn't look like I was sleeping all day. She knows that I only sleep during the day when something is wrong, or when I'm on my period, but I'm not on my period and that's something I can't lie about.

"Ah, there you are!" I heard her say as she walked into the room. "Oh, you're working on your story." Yes, my journal... my diary where I keep all my secrets in, Emiko thinks it's nothing more than a story. It's lucky for me that she isn't interested in reading books or else she would have been curious of what I write in this book everyday. It's around 200 pages, 400 front and back, and I already have more than half of them filled. I never lied to her about it; she simply assumed the wrong thing. I guess in a way, it is a story, a story about what goes on in my life; a story that will be sure to have an unhappy ending.

"Well, since you're busy, I'll just go take a shower," she said happily while walking out of the room.

Never...

Never have I seen Emiko so happy.

A sigh left my mouth as I started to write inside my book. Emiko would be in the shower for about forty-five minutes... so that gives me forty-five minutes to release the feeling that still possesses me. She needs my support now more than ever right now. Emiko needs me as a sister; for her to talk to me about her date, for her to have someone to comment on what happened and to give advice on what to do next. "And I'd rather be there for Emiko than to feel the way I do right now."

~*~

Hearts filled with jealousy…

Souls enchained with selfishness…

When it comes down to it…

The only thing that matters are your own true desires,

Found only within your being…

“Jun, aren’t you going to bed?” a voice calls out to me. A voice so sweet, so caring, so loving… I turn my body so I could look at her. She was wearing her nightgown, which was a plain nightdress that was a creamy pink and was made out of silk. It fitted around her chest very well and was loose under her stomach; the gown stopped right above her knees. I can't help but to stare at her. Her hair, so long that it reaches her waist, so yellow like buttermilk dandelions… Eyes so light, so blue, a light clear water that reflects your true self. Skin so smooth, so pale, so perfect…

I smile, forcing myself out of my thoughts to answer her. “Eh, not yet Emiko, but I will retire soon, so don’t worry about me. You can go to sleep and I’ll meet you in bed shortly.” When had she gotten out of the shower? Had I been so engrossed into my writing that I hadn't noticed her come inside the room?

She smiles at me, tired but happy, and walks over to the bed, no, it was our bed. I watch her for a moment before gazing back down at my journal. With a long sigh, I began to write again, writing with such ease that I felt as though I would never be able to put my pen down.

To have something that you so want, to be so near that which you long to have…

A true pain that exists with me each day that passes by.

Emiko…

I know that more than anything, I want Emiko.

I’ve lived here as her roommate for two years, yet… the closer I got to her, the further away I felt.

Two years…

Seven months of nothing but growing yearnings, cravings that are neglected, unnoticed, ignored…

How can I, a girl, get myself in such a dilemma?

How?

—Jun

“That’s enough for now,” I mumble as I close the journal, setting it down inside the desk’s dower. I gaze over to the bed, looking at Emiko who was now lying quietly. I walked over to her and sat down on the bed. Suddenly, Emiko turned onto her side, now facing me. I noticed a change in her breathing; it wasn’t the same as someone who was sleeping. “Emiko…” I whispered, waiting to see if she’d respond. Her eyes fluttered open as she stared at me. “Emiko, how was your day?—I forgot to ask you that earlier.” No, at first I hadn't forgotten, I just didn't want to know. But I had been so caught up with my writing that I forgot to ask her about her day.

She let out a sigh while turning to lie on her back. “Don't worry, Jun, its okay. I know you were busy with your story and tend to get into it." There was a pause, and I knew that it was coming, that she was about to tell me everything that happened today. "It was great,” she exclaimed while touching her lips. “I really like Jamie, I mean, I really like him. When I’m near him, I don’t know; I just felt so giddy. Today was our first date and—” I stopped listening to her, unable to bear her talking in such a way about someone else. I looked off to the side as she continued to talk, forcing myself to smile in case she looked towards me. I could feel my lips quivering, a pain growing inside of me, a pain that I knew that I would have to get used to now that my Emiko is dating, now that she was no longer only my Emiko...

There was a pause, which caused me to worry because she could have asked me a question.

“How do you kiss someone?”

I was startled by her question and asked her to repeat herself.

“I mean… I want to kiss him, but I don’t want to be bad at it,” I could hear the worry in her voice, I could see how much she cared about this man and suddenly, my heart began to ache ten times more than it already was. “He almost kissed me today, Jun, but I turned away. I don’t want that to happen again. I was so afraid that I wouldn't know what to do!! Jun, it wasn't like I didn't want it to happen, I just wanted to kiss him right. So, I was wondering if you could teach me how to kiss."

I couldn't help but to stare at her. She was blushing too! This must have been something really important to her since she said all of that without stopping. Emiko usually talks a lot when it's about something that she finds important. But to teach her how to kiss? That would mean that I would actually have to kiss her...

"Well, Jun? I know it sounds weird but that's what some of my friends did when they were going on their first dates. They got the person they trusted most to practice with. I know this is a lot to ask from you, but, I would be really thankful if you did."

How could I say no to her? How could I disappoint her? Who would she turn who if I denied her this? And she was right; girls do this all the time, practicing for the big date with a guy.

Besides... in my heart, it was what my selfish desires wanted.

Yes, it was what I wanted, to feel Emiko's lips against mine. It was what I desired...

~*~Chapter Two~*~

"Emiko," her name rolled off my tongue. I moved closer to her, gazing into her beautiful light blue eyes. "Did you have fun, Emiko?" I waited for her response, leaning against the front door as I continued to stare at her. Emiko gazed off to the side, looking away from me, and I quickly noticed that she was smiling. I could see a light blush on her cheeks which caused me to blush as well. Why was she blushing anyway?

"Emiko? Are you all right?"

I tenderly held her chin with my thumb and my index finger, turning her face so she could look at me. "Emiko?" I said her name gently, silently begging her to answer me. She gazed up at me and smiled slightly. "Jun, it's not working."

Not working? What’s not working? I thought things were going well. "What are you talking about?" I asked her.

"You just don't sound like him. He doesn't call me by my name; he calls me sugar, babe, sweet-cakes, and stuff like that." Emiko said, giggling slightly. "But you did really good. Just try your best to sound like him." I see... well, it’s not necessarily a bad thing that I don’t sound like him.

I shook my head and took Emiko's hand, "All right, Emiko, let's try this again." We walked away from the front door and stood next to the couch, pretending that we were just getting out of his car. I lead her to the door, holding her hand while staring at the floor. How am I supposed to do this? Acting like Jamie—that might just kill me!

"So, babe, did you have fun?" I asked her, almost twitching at how voice sounded. Ew, I actually did sound like him when I said that. Emiko stared at me without saying anything. "What is it?" I asked her, now out of my 'Jamie' imitation. Suddenly, she started to laugh. I wonder what's so funny. "Emiko, what's wrong? What happened?"

Emiko looked up at me and gave me a grin. "Oh Jun! You sound just like him," she started to laugh harder, making me more confused. "Please, don't do that again, Jun. Just act yourself, okay? It doesn't suit you to act like that, it's just not you." I nodded slowly, still not sure what was so hilarious. It's not like it was bad news or anything, after all, I don't like acting like Jamie.

"All right, let's try again," I told her. "So, Emiko, did you have a nice time with me?" I asked her. She nodded without looking at me. "Emiko," I said gently, leaning forward, getting closer to her. "Emiko, I really like you." Was I acting? No. Would she think that I was acting? Yes. I'm admitting the truth to Emiko, but, practicing the situations she might find herself in where Jamie might kiss her was Emiko's idea. Surely, for her, she would believe that this was all an act. "Emiko," I whispered. "I really like you."

My arms found their way around Emiko's waist and she finally looked at me. I pulled her closer to me and grinned. "Do you like me too, Emiko?" She didn't answer me, but simply stared at me. I can't help it, with our eyes locked as they were, I can't help but to be taken in by the moment, to fall helplessly into the trance. My eyelids began to lower, suddenly feeling heavy. I moved closer to her, gently pressing my lips against hers. Her lips are so soft and so smooth... I love how they taste, I love how they feel.

I began to savor her taste, sucking on her bottom lip. Right when I was about to deepen the kiss, I felt Emiko's arms push me away, which snapped me back to reality. "I'm sorry, Emiko!" I nearly shouted. I must have scared her. I did something wrong. What if she realizes that I wasn't acting? I shouldn’t have taken it that far, it was only supposed to be a peck on the lips! "Emiko, I'm really sorry. I, I—"

"Wow... you're great at this," she remarked. "It actually felt real. Now, let's pretend we were at a restaurant, I need to know what I would do then!" Emiko is so excited about this, so much so that her face is all read. I bet she can't notice that I'm blushing as well, but not for the reason that's causing her to blush. "All right," I replied as I touched my lips. My lips had actually touched Emiko's lips. I've just tasted her first kiss... I had the honor, the privilege of being the first person to ever kiss her.

~*~

"Jun-Jun." I heard her call my name, almost in a shy-like way. ‘Jun-Jun’… I like when she calls me that, that little pet name she has for me. She says my pet-name in a voice, a voice she only uses for me. In a way, it makes me feel special that she has a tone of voice saved especially for me.

I finished pulling the shades over the windows and joined her at our dinner table. "Jun." I glanced at her and waited for her to ask me whatever it was that was on her mind. "You're really attractive, Jun." Wait, what?

"You’re so very beautiful, so kind, so talented, and you can kiss great," she said while touching her lips. “Really great…” My heart began to pound, beating quicker and quicker while listening to her talk. Was this a hint that she liked me?

"Uh huh," I responded, my voice barely auditable. I can't believe Emiko thinks of me this way. Beautiful? Kind? Talented? I can feel my face heating up, noticing a look in her eyes that I never saw before. "And?" I asked her softly, begging her to continue.

"And, I was wondering why you don't have a boyfriend, Jun-Jun."

Those words almost froze my heart into ice that would shatter into a million pieces. Why don't I have a boyfriend?--I'm a lesbian, that's why! What am I supposed to tell her now? Am I supposed to lie? No, I can't. I just... I can't do this.

"Jun," she smiled at me, almost in a torturing way. "You would be a great girlfriend. I'm sure that guys would love to have you as a girlfriend." Yes, they would. Many have asked me out but, Emiko, how could you be talking about this now? Your smile, are you trying to push me to tell you the truth? "Emiko..."

She took my hand and held it between both of hers. "Jun, you can tell me. Do you have a secret boyfriend or a guy you have a crush on?" We never talked about things like this, but then... Emiko never had a date before. But I suppose it's something she's been dying to talk about, after all, she is twenty-five years old, and this is her first date. Even so, I just... I just can't do this!

"Come on, Jun-Jun. I'm sure you had a crush on a guy before. Well, I had a crush on plenty of guys and--"

I stood up quickly, moving away from her, away from her questions. "I'll continue teaching you how to kiss tomorrow." That was all I said before I disappeared into our room, closing the door to keep Emiko out. Leaning against the door, I could feel tears stinging at my eyes as my sorrow pleaded to be released. "My journal," I said as an answer, running to the desk, frantically looking for it.

I grabbed it from the floor and turned it to the next open page.

What do I do now?!! This is killing me, the fact that Emiko doesn't know that I'm a lesbian, the fact that she doesn't even have the faintest idea that I'm in love with her. I love everything about her and today she gave me more to love by allowing me to kiss her.

I have tasted Emiko's lips...

Oh goddess, I love her lips!!

Heaven... Hell...

Pleasure... Torture...

What's the difference?

Right now, I can't tell the difference between either of them. It's as though they suddenly formed into one entity, binding together as the line that set them apart seems to have faded away. She... She makes my heart pound, beat so harshly against my chest. Kissing Emiko was the best thing ever, a piece of heaven that entered my life for that brief moment in time.

But... not being able to do more, not being able to let her know how I feel is hell.

How she looks at me... when her skin brushes against mine, it gives me such pleasure, I just want to give into my urges and have her. Yet, I know that she only sees me as a friend. Somehow I thought that she really enjoyed me kissing her, but, it meant nothing to her, NOTHING!!

What was I expecting?—for her to fall in love with my lips and then fall in love with me? I'm such an idiot right now. I don't know what this is that I feel right now. These feelings are indescribable. My heart is filled with overwhelming pain but at the same time, I feel such delight from what just happened... enjoyment in knowing that we will be kissing again soon, that we will eventually be frenching.

But... teaching her how to kiss is not what I want.

This might just be greed speaking but, I want more... so much more. I want to feel her bare skin against mine, for us to hold each other and kiss forever and ever, for us to, agh... I don't know, for us to just do everything. I've written this a million times in here, but, my feelings of this only grow stronger. I don't know what to do right now. My emotions are unbearable, I just want her so badly, yet... she wants that stupid ******** sonofabitch! I just, I just don't know...

"Jun."

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore Emiko as I continued to write.

The pain I feel now… I just want it all to go away. I wish… I wish I didn’t love Emiko in this way. Knowing that she will never love me back is something I can’t continue to deal with.

Since the day I met her, we did a lot of special things together. It was as if we were meant to be together, after all, we were able to open up to each other easily. We did so many things... spent so much time together... I never thought that I would fall for her. I used to just date the strong sadistic type of girls who were hot but didn't exactly care about me. My last girlfriend was dating me but openly dated other girls at the same time. I was never important to anyone, and yet, somehow Emiko made me feel important.

She gave me the strength to break up with Madison; she gave me the power I needed to recover. But... right now she's just breaking me down.

“Jun-Jun...”

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" she asked me. Yes, she actually asked me that!! Damn it, I really got myself in a mess this time. I should have just told her when we met that I was a lesbian, but... I didn't think that I would need to. I only tell people who appears to be bi or a lesb. And I never thought that I would stay here for so long. I was planning to stay for only three or four months.

I just...

I just don't know...

“Jun.”

How long have I been writing? Twelve minutes? Sixteen? It’s late; I can see the moon through the window. I bet she’s curious to see what’s wrong with me, but, I don’t want her to know. I closed the journal and walked over to our bed, lying down.

“I’m coming in, Jun.”

“All right,” I said back. I saw the door open and watched as she came near me, soon sitting them beside me. “You sure do want to be prepared for Jamie, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.” She replied; her voice lacking the excitement that was in it earlier. “When I kiss Jamie, I want everything to be perfect.”

I nodded. "You're such a nice person." She looked at me. She looks so sad, I bet she feels that she did something wrong. After all, I did just leave her alone like that, and I think I slammed the door hard when I came in our room. Maybe I should apologize. ". . ." I sighed, not being able to say anything.

I wasn't sorry...

I'm sorry for making her feel bad, but I'm not sorry for what I did, because I didn't do anything wrong. "Emiko," I mumbled, grabbing her hand and pulling her so she could lay on the bed as well. I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled my forehead into her back. "Goodnight Emiko," I hoarsely whispered. I just want to forget everything that happened a moment ago, I just want it all to go away.

"Goodnight Jun."

~*~

“So, today we’re going to pretend you’re at a restaurant and practice kissing for that situation,” I stated while walking to the table to set the chairs up.

“Right,” she answered after nodding her head. She was quiet for a moment before I heard her say my name, which drew my attention. “Thank you so much, Jun, especially after yesterday.” I could hear her voice, how appreciative she was; I suppose she thought that I wouldn’t do this with her after last night. Oh well. Anyway, I'm trying hard to forget what was bothering me yesterday, but I wonder if Emiko will ask me about the boyfriend thing again. I hope she doesn't. “You’re the best, Jun; I swear I’ll repay you someday.”

“It’s no problem at all,” I shrugged her statement off. I glanced over to her and that’s when I noticed how nervous she looked; sitting on the chair, rocking from side to side while she fiddle with the set of matches she used to light the candles. I wonder if she’s o.k.

“Emiko, is something wrong?” I asked her while sitting down on the chair that was beside her.

“Emiko,” I said her name while taking her hand and held gently. She wasn’t answering me.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just… I…” she smiled at me and looked down at our dinner table. “I'm just nervous, I guess. But I'm glad I'm practicing with you, it makes this a lot easier."

What does she have to be nervous about? After all, we did kiss yesterday.

"So, do we do the french kiss first?" she abruptly asked me.

I could feel my body getting hot from the thought of kissing Emiko in such a way. My lips curved into a smirk as I realized what Emiko was so nervous about. “No,” I said with a chuckle. “You don’t kiss like that at a restaurant. It’s rude. You can be frenched like at… the front door or at his house or in a bed room or inside an apartment, but not at a restaurant.”

Emiko nodded, probably taking mental notes on what I was saying. I'd rather not give her advice on how to make out with Jamie, but what else can I do. Being a helpful friend is the least I could do for her. "Okay," she replied. “Let’s do this…”

I leaned over and gently pressed my lips against hers, quickly moving back the second our lips touched. "That's a peck on the lips. I bet you're used to kisses like that. I don't think Jamie would be doing that," I told her, trying not to picture them making out. I looked towards her to see if she was still nervous, but she didn't seem to be. "So, do you want to do that again? Or do you want to move on?"

She smiled and shook her head as a 'no'. Was that a 'no' to my first or second question? "Emiko," I said. Just as I opened my mouth to ask her my question, she had leaned over, her face inching towards me, her lips suddenly pressing against mine. I could actually taste her lips better than I had yesterday. Her sweet tasting lips... Emiko’s lips are so gentle, I just want to nibble on them... suck on them like yesterday, but longer...

I could feel her tongue against my bottom lip, which I'm sure had caused me to blush because my face is feels really hot right now.

Emiko pulled away and gave me a grin, a grin she always gives me when she accomplished something. "Hey, I actually kissed you!!" she exclaimed. "Did I do good?”

I nodded blankly, still a bit dazed from her kiss. I hadn't expected her to do that, and now, all I can think about is doing more than just that. "Yes," I found myself saying, attempting to snap myself out of my own thoughts. "Yes, that was great."

There was an awkward silence between us, I wonder if she feels awkward as well. "Hey Emiko, do you want to take a walk for a while? We can go outside and get some fresh air.”

“Um, sure. That seems like a good idea.”

~*~

Emiko laughed hard as she walked inside before me. I smiled; glad to be home, finally. "Heh, I can't believe you fell into the pond!!"

I narrowed my eyes a bit as I glared at her. "It's not that funny. Besides, you were the one who pushed me in the damn thing!! So it's not like I just jumped in," I remarked, pulling my smelly wet shirt off. "Oh, eww. Now I'm all smelly! I'm going to take a shower, okay?"

She nodded while she just seemed to be looking at me. I looked down and noticed that I was wearing a white bra that was now transparent. "Ohh, I'll go take my shower now. I'll see ya in a bit," I said while leaving the room. I got into the bathroom and quickly took off my clothes.

"That was so not funny," I muttered while turning on the shower. I scrubbed my body with soap and allowed the water to rinse it off while I massaged shampoo into my hair. "That was such rotten luck too..." I started to wash my hair until I was content with how clean I was.

Getting out of the shower, I dried myself with my towel and wrapped it around my body. I left the wet clothes in the tub before leaving out of the bathroom. "Oh, hi Emiko." I said to her, noticing that she was on our bed. I wonder why she was waiting for me in our room. "What are you doing in here?"

"Waiting for you to get out of the shower. I need to get clean too," she said as she walked into the bathroom with her nightclothes in her arms. I watched as she closed the door before I started to look for something to wear. Digging through the dresser dower, I finally found one of my nightgowns and got dressed. It was a t-shirt and shorts that matched each other. They were a lime green, my favorite color.

I heard the water stop running, which means Emiko is done in the shower. I turned on the CD player, which started to play a burned CD that had all of our favorite songs on it. I heard the bathroom door open. Turning around, I saw Emiko sitting on the bed, wearing her light pink nightgown. Smiling, I got on the bed and crawled over to her.

"You smell good, Jun." Emiko complemented me. I looked at her, blushing slightly from what she said. "Oh, thank you, Emiko."

She seemed to just stare at me while grinning. "Can we practice kissing a final time?"

My heart began to race when I heard that. "Oh, um, sure, of course we can." She smiled and I felt her hand holding mine. "Emiko, um, are you ready?"

She nodded, still smiling that smile, the new smile that she's been showing all week.

Well, here we go.

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